I’m from Melbourne Australia. I’m a Muslim Shia and I’ve been married for 14 years. I have been separated NOW for 4 years and am finding hard to get a Muslim Shia divorce. All the sheiks here won’t give me one because it has to come from my husband, and what he says goes. They all know how he is. Islam is a man’s religion. I say it’s not fair. I have 3 kids and they live with me. I get no financial support, which I don’t want and yet my husband is making my life hell.
I lived in hell for 13 years. He says, he will never divorce me so he can ruin me. He says he will never let me remarry again. Why is it so hard for a woman to get divorced? I left him because I had no financial support from him. I worked all my life and he was very verbally abusive even in front of the children. My daughter suffered depression and was seeing a counselor at the age of 8. I’m 34 years of age and I’m entitled to find love and HAPPINESS. Please! I’m begging you to help me get out of this hell and help me get my divorce please.
This is strange. You have given all the power to your husband and a bunch of mullahs and are complaining that you are living in hell. This is like a caged bird complaining about her captivity when the door of the cage is open.
You live in Australia. Why do you have to go to the Sheikhs to get divorce? Why the divorce has to be Islamic? Go to a divorce lawyer and tell her you want to divorce your husband in accordance with the Australian law. Declare yourself a non-Muslim and you are no longer under anybody’s control.
If you were living in an Islamic country where the door of the cage is closed and locked, I would understand your plight. But I don’t understand why in Australia you have to cow-tow to Islamic laws?
The Sheikhs don’t have any control over you, unless you give it to them. In Islamic countries, where Sheikhs make the laws, the situation is different. If you live in the west, all you have to do is say sayonara to Islam and claim your independence and freedom.
If you fear your abusive husband, go to the police and seek protection. Maybe you have to change your city or even your name.
Start dating . Check out www.plentyoffish.com. The sea is full of fish. Make sure you don’t date a Muslim again. Life is better when it is shared with a loving partner.
Hi Ali sina
Sorry I forgot to mention that I have been divorced Australian law. But how can I get it islamically because he will put my family in shame by spreading rumors that I have committed adultery if I did meet someone and my ex husband will continue giving my life hell and will ruin my name forever as I’m very well known and respected by many because of my honesty, purity and me as a human itself. I have many friends that know what kind of man he is and what life I had suffered with him for many years. My kids are very happy and I work full time to support myself and my beautiful children. I am happy doing it.
PLEASE CAN YOU HELP ME get a divorce islamically so I can get out of this whole and away from him and this whole mans religion itself!
Once you divorce according to the Australian law, you are divorced. You are giving legitimacy to a cult that does not deserve any. Islam is a lie. Unless you had a civil marriage as well, your Islamic marriage was null to begin with.
I can’t ask the Shiekhs to grant you your Islamic divorce. What I can do is to persuade you not to give power to them and to your husband to destroy your life. You are divorced in front of the law and that is all that counts. If your community does not understand this, leave it. You live in Australia. Find new friends who are supportive and understanding.
Find a good church that has support groups. Some years ago I found a Mennonite church that was not very far from me. I used to go there to meet people and to socialize. I liked the choirs and even the sermons. I attended also a bible study group. I was more knowledgeable about the Bible than anyone else. No one knew that secretly I was a non-believer.
There were support groups for divorced people. After the lecture we used to meet in a large hall. Food was simple and cheep. But it was an occasion to sit with other humans and interact. I moved and I have not tried to find a church again. I strongly recommend you do so. If you have small children, they need also to have that special experience that is only possible when you are a child. Bahais also have good Sunday classes for children and they are open to anyone.
Stop empowering your husband, the sheikhs, and the Muslim community. We make ourselves victims of our own false beliefs. Do I give a damn what Muslims think about me? Of course not! Eventually they will come to see they are victims and I am free.
Your problem is not your husband. Your problem is your own fears. You have to work on yourself. Imagine Islam as a shackle on your feet. Now imagine you are given a key. Open those shackles and throw them away. Now see yourself free, with no fear from people and what they say.
Our backward Middle Eastern cultures (note that I did not say Islamic) are shame based. All that matters to us is the image. How others think of us? What they say behind our back? How can we keep up the appearances and make others see us as upright dignified people? Even if we feel like sh*t inside, we want to project an image of grandeur. This is our sickness. It is a personality disorder. Our cultures are narcissistic.
The westerners have based their culture on guilt. What is important to them is to feel good about themselves. They don’t give a damn what others think about them. As long as they are content with their conscience they are happy. As the result they don’t put their noses into each other’s businesses.
Cultural taboos weigh on us heavily. Only we can get rid of them. I have done it to a great extent, but not completely. It is not easy. I am a thinker and have an analytical mind. I always challenge my convictions, beliefs and feelings.
You can live with all these archaic beliefs that have been loaded on you through your upbringing or you can use your intelligence, find a more civilized community, find new friends that are liberated and start a new life. It is going to be hard to change, but at least allow your children to have that chance. They don’t have to suffer the way we suffer from mores of our primitive cultures.