Q&A

Dealing with Rejection

Hi Ali,
I wanted to share a story with you and I really need your help. I’m confused and feeling hurt about what happened.

Last night, I went into a chat room where I started talking to an Israeli girl living in Israel. We had never met before. Everything was going so well, we were laughing, joking, sharing music, and then suddenly she asked me for my facebook name. I told her that my facebook name was based on Rawandi who was a critic of Islam. And that I had left Islam several years ago. Long story short, she bans me from her room within a few seconds of reading my comment about me leaving Islam. She gave me no explanation. So I go back to her room under a guest name to get an explanation. I ask her to please give me an explanation and at first she types, “You know why.” I said I didn’t know why. I asked her to talk to me. So she kicks everyone out of her chat room and says, “So?” I ask her why she banned me from her room and she says, “Because you’ve been there.” I ask in reply, “Because I’ve been to Islam?” and she said yes.

Ali, I feel hurt by this. She left after she said yes.

I asked her if she was Muslim and she said no. I don’t know if she was Jewish.

Ali, I’m a supporter of Israel, I don’t feel that Jews get proper treatment there and deserve better especially after they were forced out of Europe during WWII. What did I do wrong? Why was I banned?

Thanks,
TJ

 

 

Hi TJ.

First of all you have to learn that your self-esteem and your feeling good don’t depend on others. Others can have their own psychological problem. If you base your self esteem on how people react to you,  you will be in a very precarious situation.

Now, I did not understand whether this girl kicked you out of her room because your name was Islamic or because you had left Islam.

If the first then, she probably has heard all the evil things that Muslims do, like Love Jihad, etc, and wants to protect herself.  That is a wise thing but she is not aware that many of us have actually left this cult and have no enmity towards anyone.  We love all the people and we want to live in peace with everyone.   The more we speak out and make ourselves heard the more people will come to see that we exist and will not be frightened by our “Islamic name.”

If she kicked you out after hearing you left Islam, she is probably a brainwashed miserable creature who has fallen into the trap of Islam. Why do you want to have anything to do with such a lost soul?  A Muslim can cause you nothing but trouble. Muslim converts are more vicious and more stupid than those who were born to this cult.  At least we have the excuse that we had no choice. But the converts have no excuse. They must be either terribly stupid or pathologically evil to be attracted to a religion like Islam.

Now, I am not insulting anyone.  Virtually all those who converted to Islam and left it admit that this has been the biggest blunder in their life and that they had been fooled.

She could also be a leftist. Leftists love you if you malign all faiths but will attack you viciously if you criticize Islam.  I guess birds of a feather, fly together.  Leftism, like Islam is a sickness of mind.  I can’t understand these people.  A couple of years ago a leftist professor (Pete) wrote to me because he was offended by what I say about Islam. This man was an atheist – a real lefty. I engaged him in a debate. I wanted to find out what makes them act so irrationally. After a few cordial exchanges he asked for my book and promised to get back to me. He never did.

As a rule of thumb, ignore people who act in such a way.  Their behavior has nothing to do with you. It’s all about their own experiences and level of maturity. They have issues that have remained unresolved.  Mature people don’t act like that. Mature people will explain to you why they disagree with you and don’t act erratically. “You know why I did it.” What kind of answer is that? The only thing you can know is that she is nuts. Avoid stupid people. Avoid Muslims and liberals. You can’t reason with these people.  If you are looking for a mate look someone who is not a kook.  Ideologues are nuts.

 

You are hurt because you were rejected by a woman.  If you chase a woman who rejects you, you only make her despise you.  Never, and I mean NEVER try to win a woman’s heart by acting weak and desperate.   First of all you don’t want a moon bat liberal as your woman.  If a woman dumps you, at any stage of the relationship, whether it is in the Internet chat room, after the first date, after three years of dating or after fifteen years of marriage, just leave her.   Instead of showing any disappointment and begging her to give you another chance, remain calm and thank her for bringing the subject up. Tell her you were thinking about it for some times and did not know how to break it up to her and that you are relieved that she has come to the same conclusion on her own. Don’t be too theatric here.  Pretend you are sorry for the end of the relationship but it is something you had thought about and find inevitable.

This will suddenly change the balance of power. Women don’t like a weak man. They respect you more if they see you are in charge at all times.

Don’t become nice, and don’t try to win her back by buying her gifts, calling her in the middle of night, and text messaging her all the time.  These things will make her want to run away from you more.

Accept rejection like a man and move on. There is plenty of fish in the sea.  If this woman has been part of your life for a long time, go and have fun, put on your best cloths, start dating and make sure she sees you with another woman quite “accidentally,” even if that woman is just your cousin whom she does not know.  Nothing puts off a woman more than a desperate man. Even when you don’t have a date act as if you have. Pretend to be busy and let her imagine you are dating.

You should not have gone to her room with a different alias to find out why she does not want to talk to you.  Why should it matter what her reasons were.  Find someone who wants to talk to you.

Be loving and compromising to your woman when she is with you. Once she leaves you, leave her at once. Your lovey-dovey behavior will only put her off and ensure that she will not want to see you again. Don’t cheapen yourself for a woman.  That is not the way to their heart.

Women like strong men. As soon as they detect weakness they lose interest.  Never say or do anything to win a woman’s heart. She will interpret it as the sign of your desperation and will lose interest.

Never compliment a woman too early.  If you find her beautiful never say it. Find something about her to tease her instead.  Don’t be grotesque and rude, but be humorous. Remain cool and mysterious.

If she asks whether you find her beautiful, that is a good sign. It means she is interested in you. Don’t answer the question.  Don’t kill her curiosity because she will lose her interest in you.  You become a prey caught. She will leave you and will go after another prey. Say, something silly like, “well not exactly my type, but I think I can live with it.”  Make it sound fun and humorous.  If you say, oh you are the most beautiful woman I have met, you have lost her. Okay women are crazy, but that is how their brain works.  If you want one learn their psychology.

To make them interested in you don’t show too much interest in them. Instead, show interest is something you are passionate about.  This signals the woman that you are a man, with ambition and purpose – a knight in shining armor that can conquer the world.

Don’t show off your expensive car and don’t take her to expensive restaurants . They don’t work. Instead become passionate about something. It could be your work or a cause or anything you are good at. This will make you look a lot more attractive. It makes you enter in the league of great men.

Remember that relationships have two stages – courtship and commitment.  During the courtship, you must never show your feelings. She must always wonder whether you find her attractive or not.  Keep her guessing.  As long as this curiosity is not satisfied, the chances are that she will stick around and remain interested in you.  The moment you show your hand and express your undying love, she loses interest. She wants to conquer you. Once conquered she will go to her next prey.  Easy preys are not attractive to women.

After the courtship stage, comes the commitment stage.  At this stage you want to give her complete assurance that she is the only person in your life and the most beautiful women in the world.  Spoil her with gifts, take her out and treat her like she is special and unique.

If you do these things in the reverse order, i.e. act sweet and complying during the courtship and indifferent during the commitment stage, you will either not find the woman of your dream or you will lose her.

Take care and good luck

Ali Sina

 

Posted in Q&A

38 comments

  1. Wow, now that was an interesting perspective on how to capture the woman of your dreams 😉 I have been on this site by accident and got curious with your views Ali Sina in regards to Islam and have not left a comment since until now…why? The woman you are describing here is the epitome of myself you see 🙂 I have broken man's heart but the one who broke mine is the one who showed the least interest and have left me confused – he's full attention was on me at the beginning but I never valued it then, and not until he started showing lack of interest in me is when he became my heart desire. How crazy is that? He still wants me but now he has power over me and there's nothing I can do but bend to his will. Maybe he took advice from you? LOL!

  2. Any mourning color will do for the 'eid' was the beginning of man's loss of peace on earth.

  3. You have just marked the dream of muhammad. Get dreaming and you will find that your cat has gone to the kaaba. Go and get it there. It is kissing the black stone.

  4. Eid mubarak. Ali, i dont know which clothes to wear. which color do you think suit me Ali?

  5. Ali writes "Women like strong men. As soon as they detect weakness they lose interest. Never say or do anything to win a woman’s heart. She will interpret it as the sign of your desperation and will lose interest." I agree to a certain degree. This however doesn't mean that you need to be bullish or arrogant. It's a fine line between being confident about yourself but not being cocky and brash. A strong sense trust in oneself is needed and that is something that time will also give to TJ, Ali's subject. The Ageless Wisdom Teachings have been my road to understanding and confidence in life.

  6. I am very grateful that my mother taught me that it's okay to be emotional and unhealthy to suppress emotions. Having emotions does not mean being incompetent, weak, or dysfunctional.

  7. "Who intended for women not to be "equalized"? a god? Men? The earth spirits?" Nature through millions of years of evolution that’s who. Consider this as a allegory you are in a stream fighting against the current but no matter how much strength and stamina you have eventually you will be dragged along. That is what the current western society is, a drowning man fighting against the current of the natural order.

    ""…so there is no point in continuing this discussion." Shame I was just beginning to enjoy this discussion but I guess you want to get out now while you still have some dignity left.

  8. "that women with strength of character are abnormal? Men who are caring are abnormal?" Of course they are abnormal just like a woman with a beard would be abnormal or a man with a high pitched voice.

    "No, he is not a wuss." Well at least you admitted you are not attracted to weak men that’s a start.

    "Also, sexual preference is not the same as a quality or behaviour." Isn’t it? You can’t love someone of the same sex, not at least like a man loves a women its about emotional desire not just physical attraction or sex which is all homosexuality is.

  9. You call yourself enlightened and then say that women with strength of character are abnormal?Men who are caring are abnormal?

    I have a boyfriend. We don't try to fit with stereotypes. We just live our lives and be ourselves. He doesn't think about things like this…for example, he would never even think to come to a site like this….He mostly watches sports. and, No, he is not a wuss.

    Also, sexual preference is not the same as a quality or behavior.

    Who intended for women not to be "equalized"? a god? Men? The earth spirits?

    We are not going to agree on how "normal" people are in their given "categories"…so there is no point in continuing this discussion.

  10. “I understand that you are just repeating gender stereotypes, that are actually deeply reflected and taught in Islam:
    Man=rational, logical, dominant [obvious qualities that would give any person superiority]]
    Woman=submissive, emotional [obvious qualities that would give any person inferiority]” These are not “gender stereotypes” they are the quality’s that define the difference between the sexes. Of course if you don’t care about attracting a member of the opposite sex (I.e. you are a homo or asexual) then do want you want, but if you are a man looking for a women then you should have masculine traits and the same for women.

    “These stereotypes that lead to inequality throughout the world.” Equality is a pipe dream and women are intended by nature to be loved and defended but not to be “equalized”.

  11. “or women with strength of character and men who are caring are abnormal? “ Yes they are “abnormal” as is homosexuality and asexuality. Today even “sex changes” happen, is that normal?

    “I do not know many women who are "submissive" (I am from the U.S.)…” So you want a weak man as your husband who will not even stand up to his wife? Women want a Man who makes her feel safe and protected not some wuss who can’t even defend himself let alone anyone else.

  12. I am attracted to men that are courageous, have strength of character and who are caring. A man who wants to dominate me is not attractive. I believe in companionship; not domination–submission. These "qualities" are social constructs. If "not all" men are a certain way and "not all" women are a certain way, then such "gender qualities" cannot be innate; or women with strength of character and men who are caring are abnormal?

    I do not know many women who are "submissive" (I am from the U.S.)…but they have boyfriends or husbands. Many men are attracted to independent, forthright women; at least the ones that are secure in their masculinity.

    I understand that you are just repeating gender stereotypes, that are actually deeply reflected and taught in Islam:
    Man=rational, logical, dominant [obvious qualities that would give any person superiority]]
    Woman=submissive, emotional [obvious qualities that would give any person inferiority]

    These stereotypes that lead to inequality throughout the world.

  13. I did not say all men are rational and logical, what i said was being rational is a masculine quality you are just attacking a straw man. Now are you attracted to men who are emotional and want to commit sucide and all the rest of it? Obviouly not, opposites attract and so men are atrracted to women who are submissive,emotional and caring (amoung other femine qualitys), while women are attracted to men who are dominant,courageous and has "strength of character".

  14. Jealousy, rage, lust, anger…these are emotions that men can't seem to control. If they were so rational and logical why are so many of them committing crimes. Ninety percent of violent crimes are perpetrated by men. Including murder in fits of rage or suicides in fits of sadness/depression ect.

    I hope you were answering facetiously…if not, I feel very sorry you believe that men are superior in logic and ration, because it does not fit with reality.

  15. No real men are not emotional being emotional is a very feminine quality while being logical and rational are masculine qualitys. Sure you can get emotional "men" or rational "women" this is just like how you will get "women" who are narrow hipped, muscular and so on. Or "men" who are very womanlike.

  16. He is wrong about all women wanting men to take charge at all times, I hate that because men and women are equal and I demand to be treated as such. If I can't find a man who will treat me as an equal and doesn't want children then I will find a woman (I'm bisexual)…..one of the reasons why I support Ali Sina is because of the homophobia in Islam.

  17. "Also to add saying such comments as:
    Muslims have no rights"

    Your words not mine.

    "Muslims are going to burn in hell (playing God)"

    Changing my words again. I said YOU are going to burn in hell.

    "Muslim Countries are savage"

    Don't watch the news?

    "Making justification to invade Muslim countries"

    When?

    "Muslims are trying to stealth take over the world (paranoia)"

    Derogatory insult. Who am I supposed to believe? National Security professionals or unknown Muslim JSOP? ShariahTheThreat.org – free download on the "About the Book" menu tab. Look at the prominent names in national security who authored this report. Who are you? Besides, the Quran tells you to conquer the world by stealth or by the sword, so your words are meaningless.

    "Muslim woman should have there face exposed (even if they choose to cover it)"

    It would be inconvenient for criminals not to be able to hide in a burqa, wouldn't it? The hijab is the modern swastika. It is a political statement and instrument of male control over women.

    "Slandering all of Islam, Muslims and the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him)"

    Define slander. In Islam, slander means criticism is not allowed. In the West, truth is more important than protecting your feelings.

  18. Also to add saying such comments as:
    Muslims have no rights
    Muslims are going to burn in hell (playing God)
    Muslim Countries are savage
    Making justification to invade Muslim countries
    Muslims are trying to stealth take over the world (paranoia)
    Muslim woman should have there face exposed (even if they choose to cover it)
    Slandering all of Islam, Muslims and the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him)

    -JSOP

  19. Basing Information on half a quote is not Scholarship

    Nice try trying to analysis another Muslim you know nothing about and jumping to conclusions without the facts yet again

    -JSOP

  20. A extremist will try and find any excuse to justify hating something as you can see by the Muslim haters on this site.

    These are but the Black sheep of the Christians and Jews ect as most Jews and Christians do not agree at all with anything they are saying

    They claim to be smart yet showing not smarts.
    Claiming to treat all equal yet calling Muslims savages and taking away all of there rights.

    -JSOP

  21. Hi Imran,

    I'm afraid you are in too much of a hurry to enter the verbal jihad before doing your homework and reading the articles on the site.

    So first check out the Quran tab on the menu bar at the top of the home page where you will find plenty of articles under Errancies and Miracles for your request for information on Quran mistakes and science.

    Second you are following the Muslim pattern of saying something about the Quran without really knowing what the Quran says.

    People like to cite Sura 9 because it was the last word from Muhammad on waging war against the unbelievers. On his deathbed Muhammad sent the rightly guided caliphs on a war of killing and conquest that expanded Islam's control from Arabia to the significant chunk of the earth's surface that it presently holds.

    However, the Quran really changed from a peaceful (but belligerent) religion to a violent, conquering and killing religion with Suras 2 and 8. For the first time Muhammad said that killing unbelievers was justified for no other reason than that they disbelieve.

    But if you read it with the Sira, you will see that all of this was just a justification for making a living by robbery.

    I'm afraid it will be a long time before you know as much about Islam as Dr. Sina, but you will learn faster with the articles that he has prepared. If you had to search out this information by yourself it would take a long time. That's why we have scholarship, and that's how civilization has achieved its progress. If everyone had to reinvent the wheel, we would still be in the days of horse-drawn carts.

  22. ali u should know first about islam and then talk such nonsense…..islam does never preach killing people ….it is written in quran that if u kill one human being without any reason you killed whole humanity…i challenge you to show one verse in quran that is against scientific fact or any thing that is wrong…………….

  23. Hi,
    You just mentioned what Mr Ali Sina did mention, using a different phase.

    Following personal passions makes a man/woman worthy..

  24. I am disappointed in your generalizations about women. We are not a different species.

    "To make them interested in you don’t show too much interest in them. Instead, show interest is something you are passionate about." Instead of trying to manipulate women, actually be interested, knowledgeable, and passionate about something beside yourself—be interesting. To attract a worthy person, be a worthy person.

  25. I'm that sort of woman Ali described so perfectly to the details, lol…so right about the whole courting-a-woman process plus tips and advices.

  26. Hi Ali,

    Why she rejected him? He made it very clear to us. "Because you've been there", "Because I have
    been to Islam?" "Yes".

    I agree with you that people have their psychological problems. Most of the times when I get rejected, I just shrug my shoulders and do not care. The only time that rejection frustrates me is when I do not know the reason.

    To TJ: Now you know the reason, and if you are still hurt, then you are silly. Consider this
    experience as a new lesson, and add it to the lessons you learned during your life time.

  27. You seem to be open minded and she isn't. Because if she was, she would have the decency to reply to you. And therefore the question to ask is do you want to date someone this closed minded?

  28. Wow this is great Ali espeicially the last paragraph, I'm a woman and I can attest to that 😀

  29. Esteemed Ali Sina, please do not criticize leftists in general, since we are not all agreed in many things. I am a leftist, yet I despise Islam to the extent that my happiness depends upon Islamic events. I criticize many faiths:
    Christians are deluded. MUslims are deluded. Jews are deluded. Glykonites are deluded. Maniites are deluded. Mandaeans are deluded. Zoroastrians are deluded.

    Satanists are misguided. Taoists are misguided. Karpokrations are misguided. Tengriists are miguided. Jucheists are misguided. Atheists are misguided.
    The dharma taughten by the Buddha is not delusional, yet even Pureland and (eep) Nichiren Buddhism are bizarre to me.

    Many leftists oppose anti-Islamic sentiments because (alas) islamophobia is often used (especially in the UK) as a thin disguise for hatred of non-Whites. Racism is a hideous bane, but so is Islam.

    REMEMBER NALANDA! REMEMBER SINDH!

  30. TJ – You also have to realize that you don't feel bad about losing her, you only felt bad about losing what you hoped she could have been. Take it as a recon mission in which you learned that a prospect was not the one for you. It's better to have learned early on in getting to know her than to have a problem come up much later in time after you would have been even more emotionally invested in her.

    Because of her answer that you have been there, it is clear that she hates Muslims and is not willing to give you a chance just because you have left Islam. Consider it as a self-protective reflex on her part. Many ex-Muslims become outstanding human beings, but others feel the pull to return. Perhaps she just didn't want to accept a risk.

  31. I think Ali has studied women's psychology and guess he has doctoral degree in psychology. I have observed how women are attracted to men and agree with Ali. I'm unmarried and his advice is helpful to me.

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