Hi,I am in love with a Muslim guy, i met him in office about a year ago, where i used to work, firstly i was not known about all the feelings he has for me, because for me he was my trainer, who gave me the training of the process, and i respect him a lot. My co-colleague told me that he is interested in me, as he was always there to help, always appreciated my work the most, but i denied as he was a Muslim. Looking wise, personality wise, and nature wise he is the best, every person either the boy or the girl appraise him. He started calling me, sending me the messages as i and he used to work at the same shift, i also replied to his messages, and we use to talk long in the midnight and share with each everything our whole life, he confessed his feelings about me, but i said no as he was Muslim and there is no future in this relationship, but he did not leave me, he only wants sometime with me, as when sometimes i got late he calls me, messages me where i am, he is a very caring person at heart. I also fell in love with him and now totally mad in love, he is my first and the last love. He is not having his father, he told each and every thing about his family, about his first relationship as well. We care for each other a lot, understand each other silence, when we meet sometimes, he can tell me from my face what problem i am facing. For me he is the best. I have to leave the job from there as due to some management issues. Both of us were not happy because we will not be able to meet each other, from then but still we kept ourselves in contact, because we love each other. We have not done anything wrong, because he knows his limit and i know mine and he always appreciated me for that. I trust him blindly. We also knew that any day could be the last day of our relationship and that happened and our dream got break.Suddenly my dream got broke, when my parents came to know about this through my phone, the call history, my father was after his life, i prayed to him not to do so, because he is the only one for his mother, and he love his mother a lot as she remains unwell most of the time. I also mailed him and told that my parents came to know about us. He just replied back that i should mail him to tell that i am safe. My parents were not at all ready as i belong to a Hindu family, they gave me all sorts of reasons and even i was not allowed to go on job or to do anything for a week, but i told them that i will not do it and will have no contact with him. I started my usual life again, but i was not able to forget him, i mailed him that i am safe and he has not to worry. We started again talking to each other in the same way. Now he is getting married and he has not even seen the girl because his mother has forced him to marry as soon as possible otherwise she will kill herself, so he has to agree because he cannot loose his mother. I have talked to her mother as well as he has told everything about us to her mother because he was very much depressed because i was not well when my parents came to know about it. I am still in contact with him as he wants my support, but how will i live i dont know without him. I am not able to forget him, his thoughts, his love, care for me. because i know i will not find this type of person ever in my life.Please help me and tell me the way to forget him, because I know we cannot meet at any cost. Please help me. Please.Sakshi
There are two problems in your case. The first is that this man you are in love with is a Muslim. One factor that causes divorce is religious differences. It is important that both spouses have the same belief. It helps consolidate the marriage better. Now, I certainly don’t recommend that you convert to Islam. Islam is a bad religion. It will ruin your life and that of your children. He can convert to Hinduism, but the best thing is that both of you leave religion aside. More and more people are becoming freethinkers and find happiness in their own independence rather than relying on traditions and imaginary external forces.
I recommend you share my response with your friend. I can certainly help him leave Islam. Ask him to read my book. Truth will set him free. If he refuses to read my book, leave him. He is not the right person for you. A person who does not know and does not want to know is not right for anything.
The other problem is your families. It seems that both your father and his mother are immature and sick people. Your father wants to kill this man for the crime of loving you and his mother blackmails him by threatening to kill herself. These two individuals need psychological help. But that is not your problem. You have to take care of yourselves and make sure your sick parents don’t screw your lives.
Most girls writing to me about their Muslim boyfriends subconsciously know that this person is not right for them. That is not what I perceive in your message. Your boyfriend seems to be a good person and maybe the right person for you.
I assume you must be very young, maybe in your early twenties. I assume this because of the level of control that your parents have over you. Maybe your boyfriend is a bit older than you. This is also an assumption based on the kind of control that his mother has on him. She is trying to control him through guilt. This is the weapon of someone in a weaker position.
It would be a mistake for your boyfriend to marry a woman he does not know and does not love. Marriage should be based on love. Millions of years of evolution have designed us in such way that we fall in love with our partner so our relationship is happy and our offspring receive the best loving environment for their survival. Islam goes against human nature. It’s an invention of a psychopath. As a narcissist poor Muhammad did not know what love is. His sick religion is also loveless. Everything in this cult is wrong. Marriage without love is lonely. It is also toxic for children. Most Muslims suffer from one or another form of psychological disorder. It is mostly because they grow ignored in loveless families. Parents in these primitive cultures can’t see that forcing their children into loveless marriages is the main cause of the unhappiness and emotional problems in their world.
It would be also unfair for the other girl to enter in a marriage unloved. I don’t understand why parents do these cruel things to their children. This is all due to ignorance.
I suggest your boyfriend not marry this woman. I also guarantee that his mother will not kill herself. She is blackmailing and bullying him. She is an immature selfish woman. Selfish people will destroy everybody’s life but never theirs. He should not worry about her. This is how she controls him. He must cut his umbilical cord from his mother. Children’s duty to their parents is to give them love and company. They cannot solve their parents’ psychological problems.
Don’t let your parents decide whom you should marry. They are not going to live with that person. It will be you who would be living with him or her, long after they are dead. Parents don’t have the right to choose partners for their children against their will and you should not give them that right.
My advice is to let time solve your problem. Time does marvels. Let a couple of years pass. Both of you will be more independent and hopefully will try to get away from your families and live on your own. This is the first step towards independence. Your boyfriend must also live apart from his mother. This may present a financial burden on him but it is very important for him to get away from her influence. She must not be encouraged to be a parasite to her son. He can provide for her, if she depends on him financially, but they must not live under the same roof. Meanwhile, you can continue seeing each other secretly. In a couple of years you’ll know more about your love for one another. If it is a real love, it will only improve and if it is not, you’ll know and will go your separate ways.
When time is right and financial circumstances allow, get married and live happily. If your parents want to have a part in your happiness, welcome them; if not, ignore them. You cannot do this now because you are dependent on them. Time changes everything. Every day your parents lose a little control over you and you become more independent. Emotionally healthy parents look forward to it and will let their children go free. Less mature parents become dependent on their children. That is the problem with your boyfriend’s mother. She wants to cling on him forever, even at the cost of his happiness. As long as she can make him feel guilt, she has him by his reins. He must not give in to her shenanigans, victim play and emotional blackmailing.
I sense there is something beautiful between you two. There are a few obstacles. These obstacles can be removed. Religion is one obstacle. If your boyfriend agrees to read my book that obstacle will be removed. The other obstacle is your parents. Time will take care of that. Your love for each other is great. Don’t let these external factors destroy it.
As usually is the case, controlling parents give up when they realize they have no control over their children and try to win their love back. As parents sense their old age approaching they realize they need their children and will try to win their affection.
I have seen this many times. In my university years a friend of mine fell in love with a Christian girl. He was a Baha’i and she was an Assyrian Christian. Both were Iranians. Baha’is have a strange law that says two adults cannot marry without the consent of all four parents. This law is absurd. It gives undue power to parents who can abuse it. But my friend decided not to marry his girlfriend without her parents’ consent. They waited for years. Eventually her parents gave in as they realized the love these two had for each other was not going to go away. A few years later I received a picture of this couple with their beautiful children. The good news was that her parents started to love their Baha’i son-in-law like their own son and could not be happier with him. So give time a chance, your parents will come along. Fortunately for you, neither one of you need your parents’ permission to marry. What you need is some financial security. Both of you are working so this should not take long.