Woeful Vows with Muslims

Hello Ali

I have been reading your website and have just ordered your book. I need to tell you my story. I was bought up in a good strict Christian family and although I was strictly disciplined in truth I knew nothing but happiness for the first 17 years of my life.

I met a Muslim man who was 31 and 11 years later we are still together. The last 11 years have been miserable because of his past and upbringing (I know this now).

I feel stupid because I spent the last 11 years misusing my Christian indoctrination by ‘turning the other cheek’ and forgiving unconditionally.

I kept our relationship a secret for 5 years and lost my virginity to him. We had several years long distance [relationship] while I studied etc. I always remained loyal and I suppose the years just went by. I feel I’ve let my family down.

I always thought we could compromise when we marry but that was before I met his family. When I met them I couldn’t understand why they were all so cold, heartless and cruel and why they would go for years ‘not talking to a family member’ why they couldn’t forgive and why they were full of so much pride. Why they were cruel to one another, and why they had one upmanship, why they lied and kept secrets. I have endured physical mental and emotional abuse from my partner and also from them.

I am far from my family now and dependent on my partner. I started to look into Islam and was horrified by what I read. I read with an open heart and mind and cannot find anything good in it. I studied because i wanted to show him the way he was behaving was wrong but in reality if he is following the Quran he is doing ok!

It sickens me. After a year and a half of terrible communication with my partner and an increase in physical abuse I left. It took all my strength to leave. He begged me to come back and I went back after two weeks. I have told him I don’t want Islam in my life. I have realized now that he mistook my Christian tolerance for Islamic submissiveness. I am entirely dependent on him. I stupidly gave up my job and all means of independence when I moved here. I told him within a week of coming back that it wasn’t right and I have to leave. He broke down and told me he was sexually abused and beaten every day as a child. This has made me sink even lower I feel awful. I want to be strong for him. I feel torn between saving him and saving myself. I have very clearly told him everything about his religion that he doesn’t know. He knows the anger i feel towards Islam. I feel weak. I need help. I feel guilty if I leave him and sick and depressed if I don’t. I fear I’ll be making a mistake as since he revealed his pain to me he seems to have changed. He is calm and loving and apologises for wrong doings and I’m very confused. I wish he’d told me years ago.

He says we will move away from his family and i can raise the children Christian, but he doesn’t want it ‘in his face’ this is a different tune to the one he was playing a few months ago. I’ve told him if he knows this religion is paedophilic, murderous and cruel why doesn’t he reject it outright? An evil Christian is one who is not following the bible, an evil Muslim is one who IS following the Quran.

Don’t know what I’m expecting from you apart from someone to listen who understands. I just don’t believe he will do these things he said but I don’t want to let go of the only man I have ever loved or been intimate with and there have been good times.

Hi Marta (name changed),

In order to save someone else from drowning you have to be on firm ground yourself otherwise both of you get drowned.  If you are in peril you can’t help others.

Your partner is damaged. You can leave him. This is an option and the easiest one, if you still don’t have children. But if you have children it may not be the best or at least the first option you may want to consider.

If you don’t want to leave him there are three steps that you should take together.

The first is that he must realize Islam and its nefarious culture is the main culprit for his misery and the misery of his family and his society.  There are no emotionally healthy and happy Muslims.  It is fair to say that every Muslim is damaged to a certain degree.   This is true about everyone, Muslim or not, but it is much truer in the case of Muslims.  You can’t grow up in a cesspool, breathing that fetid air and drinking that poop water and grow up healthy and sane.  As the result no Muslim is 100% okay.  I haven’t seen any and I don’t believe there is one.  Leaving Islam is the first step towards sanity and normalcy.

However, it does not mean once you leave Islam all your problems will be solved and you will become a normal person. It may take a few generations to undo the damage that Islam has done to Muslims. You can’t overcome 1400 years of this kind of abuse overnight. For 14 centuries these people have been following a sociopath. The damage can’t be undone easily.

Any person who marries a Muslim should also know that they come with a big emotional baggage.  This does not mean you can’t find good and loving people among Muslims. All humans are born angelic. We get damaged on our way to adulthood. A Muslim child gets more beating.

The next thing you and your husband/partner should do is to get away from his toxic family. Get out of his country and go back to yours. You are still young and you can find a job and be independent. He too can find a job.

These two steps are fundamental, because you want to eliminate the source of the problem.  If your basement is flooded, the first thing you want to do is to stop the water coming in, such as shutting off the tap, before trying to get rid of the water that is in the house . Likewise, you must end the negative influences in your partner’s life, which are his religion and his family before seeking help for him.

Once out of Islam and away from his family, he should seek therapy.  This is a long process but an experienced psychologist or maybe even a psychiatrist can help.  He needs professional help. All Muslims need psychiatric help to a varying degree.  Of course the first thing they should do is to leave Islam.

These are things he must do to overcome his problems.  If he takes the first two steps, you may want to remain loyal to him and be supportive. Help him overcome the damage. It will never be a full recovery but at least it may be enough for him to function as a loving husband and father.

If he refused to leave Islam and cut his umbilical cord from his family, then there is no hope for him.  Consider him a write off and move on with your life.  At 28, you are in the prime of your life.  You can start again and with your experience you will do fine this time.

If you don’t have children, don’t bring any to world yet.  A troubled relationship can become worse with the burden of children and you don’t want to be responsible for destroying their lives.  If you have children and your man refused to leave Islam and his family, take them and move away from him.  It is better for them to grow without a father than letting him abuse and damage them.

The new edition of my book is not available for sale yet. You may want to ask for refund. I attach a copy of the older edition.

Wish you the best

Ali Sina


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No Responses

  1. MovingFoward says:

    "I feel guilty if I leave him and sick and depressed if I don’t"
    Wow while reading your story It felt like I was reading my own story and the relationship I had with my ex boyfriend who was also Muslim. I know how you must have felt. Leaving someone you love hurts but also understanding that it is harming you by staying, it is always best to think about your own well being. I know this is an old blog but I hope you are doing much better now.

  2. chuck says:

    //says he takes his religion very seriously //
    I don't know whether you are religious or not, neither do I know your religion. However you do sound rather liberal. If so then please stay away from this man. Any person who takes Islam seriously is bound to cause pain to a liberal minded woman. If you have fallen head over heels for this person it may be a good idea to collect your head and put it back at its right place. An orthodox person, whether or not Muslim, could be a bad choice for any open minded person and an orthodox muslim will be worse.

  3. onelove says:

    well im very open to what everyone has to say about muslim men because i have just met a muslim guy about 4 months ago and he's talking about marriage and says he takes his religion very seriously (and I have falling head over heels about this guy) I'm very open minded and I want to make the best decision.sSo I'm here listening and staying OPEN-MINDED.

  4. arulcalrai says:

    it's hilarious, beacouse it's rel

  5. Vijay says:

    Fahad, do you have lady similar to Marta connected to your family. With video and witness testimonials you want to just confirm her stoning?

    If videos and testimonials too are given, you will say them too as fabricated. Rest AllahSWT know the best.

  6. Boiragi says:

    This Marta lady is very intelligent, well educated and articulate.

    What a horrible mess she is in. I wish she comes out safe and sound.

    I would leave that man.

  7. Jens DK says:

    Marta wrote: "Your religion tells you that a man is worth twice a woman,"

    No sorry Marta.
    Sharia rules on bloodmoney (google it) tells you that MUSLIM woman is worth half of muslim man.
    Christian woman is worth one forth of muslim man.

  8. ali says:

    the nice peaple feel always the others

  9. minerva says:

    When a woman gives up her job or everything for a man, she is certainly a loser, regardless of the religion of that man.

  10. Frankie says:

    If you cannot reconcile "be ye not unequally yoke with unbelievers,"how on earth are you to know what Jesus meant by "Turning the other cheek?"We are tolerance people,but when it come to people who are hypocrites,spreading false and deceptive nessages to lead people to Hell,we are Militant.We are warriors.If you want to come into my house to steal,kill and plunder,I will shoot you with my pistol;there is no way that people should let my daughters to be rape by thugs and hooligans!

    Americans and Christians had gun for self protection,now which part of self defence you cannot understand?Did Jesus not told us to go and buy swords for self defence,and which fellow dispute such common sense that we all must do self defence?We will always turn the other cheek if it is minor and insignifant incidents,or conflicts.

  11. Yun says:

    It IS a COMPLETE NON-SENSE…totally non-sense, not the article existence is non-sense but the idea itself is a complete non-sense. read this link http://english.alarabiya.net/articles/2012/04/25/….

    Egypt’s National Council for Women (NCW) has appealed to the Islamist-dominated parliament not to approve two controversial laws on the minimum age of marriage and allowing a husband to have sex with his dead wife within six hours of her death according to a report in an Egyptian newspaper.

  12. Interesting Ali says:

    It is of no concern to me that how much Church is elastic to fornication.
    In Islam its forbidden. So no connection of that person's deed with Islam.

  13. unbeliever says:

    Even two Christians living together or married by civil marriage without the "holy marriage" are committing adultery according to the church. But the church always encourages them to get married and if they don't want to, it encourages them to at least stay together and remain faithful.

    The case is different when a non believer is involved because the non believer doesn't want anything to do with the church. But the Christian is asked to treat his/her partner just like he/she would treat his/her Christian wife/husband.

    This is not adultery. You cannot compare faithful couples to cheating husbands/wives or to people having one night stand or an open relationship or…

  14. Interesting Ali says:

    Now she is not committing adultery. You know the problem, you guys are not worth to follow any religion. You are going to twist , repack all testaments according to you and have your own bible.Christians are not followers of Jesus(PBUH).

    Again its weird when stinky tell you that you are unclean, screw morality and teach morality.

    I got solution spare muslims they deserve better.

  15. lonelyloner says:

    I wish my wife says that to me whenever I have some… ideas…

  16. drunken Momad says:

    “If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband.”

    “should not divorce him” here is a comment that she should not leave him because he’s not a believer. But if the unbeliever is not treating her as his wife or abusing/mistreating her or cheating on her (cases of sexual immorality to sum it up) then she is free to go.

    Usually, believer married to unbeliever is not done in the church by holy matrimony since the unbeliever doesn’t want to. So the term “husband/wife” of unbeliever is referred to the person that a Christian made a commitment to. Marta is loyal and committed to the Muslim man therefore he considered as her husband.
    In the eye of the church, fellow Christians and God, Marta is not committing adultery.

  17. unbeliever says:

    Marriage to most Muslims is something to relive there conscious with and to tell themselves they are not committing adultery in polygamy.
    Marriage to others is about love, sharing your life with someone and loyalty. They don't marry because of sex because it's not enough for such commitment for life while Muslim men marry for sex as they can have divorce at their will as well as four women at the same time not to mention sex slaves.

    Marta is not committing adultery as she treats the man she's with as her husband and she's loyal to him. She can't drag the Muslim to church and force him into a holly marriage.

  18. Interesting Ali says:

    I think you have sexual arousal problems that's why your focus is only on sex.
    What Solomon(PBUH) wanted out of sex? and why?

    Truth travel as message which is a guide in day to day life . Its not a tale, not a fairy tale.

  19. superman says:

    As if God's will is to sleep with 100 women in one night and impregnate them all.
    Probably satan's will

  20. Interesting Ali says:

    I am wondering how much you know about me and don't blame me personally. lol

    Rest of your comment is blah blah

  21. Interesting Ali says:

    This article lost subject and focus. Any way your language is atheist because you won't be able to defend any religion on earth walking this line.Basically you feel expertise in certain area , dwell in cage and lack universal consciousness in understanding nature of truth. You can't survive without issues and debates.

    "Inshallah" means Allah willing (If GOD Will) . For a believer its all true, anything is possible if he/she tries and have consent of GOD.

  22. Guest says:

    Billions don't practice islam. Billions are born in muslim families though. Just because there are a billions muslims doesn't make Islam right. If it does, then Christianity and Hinduism are also right because they also have 2+ billion and ~1 billion followers. There was a time when the whole world(including muslims) believed that the earth was flat, but that doesn't make "Flat earth" a truth.

    "Look If you have only disease to blame Islam so continue Some blah blah We don't care" If you don't care, why bother commenting here? Of course you can't care because if you do, the failings of Islam will be clear as daylight to you. You've been trained from childhood to cloak reason and logic with blind belief, so I don't blame you personally.

  23. Guest says:

    In Sahih Bukhari, Book 4, Chapter 52 Muhammad tells the story of Salomon, who boasted that he will have sexual intercourse with 100 women in a single night so that all 100 of them bear sons(chance= (1/2)^100 ) to fight in Allah's cause. Muhammad says only one woman conceived and gave birth to a "half-man" because Salomon didn't say "Inshaallah".
    Muhammad says "If only he had said Inshaallah, he would impregnate all 100 women". What a message from a great Prophet. His moral should have been, one shouldn't have sex with 100 women in the same night. But he said "Say Inshallah and become a superman" LOL

  24. Interesting Ali says:

    Yep marriage to muslims is sex and for non muslim marriage is biscuit making.

  25. Guest says:

    But link branded it as 'complete non-sense'

  26. Marta says:

    You mean without four male witnesses right? Why take the word of a woman.

  27. Marta says:

    He didn't even prophesise! Prophet isn't even the right word. He was crazy. He even thought it himself until his wife convinced hum otherwise. ' no dear you aren't crazy or possessed i thunk you are one of those prophets….'

  28. Marta says:

    Thankyou! How can a Muslim ever get on their high horse about adultery. Marriage to them is sex not love!

  29. dajjal says:

    Did your profit give any evidence for his claims of self proclaimed profithood, none. yet you have no qualms believing in all his gibberish.

  30. fahad says:

    She seems quite articulate for someone who was physically and sexually abused. Also this document is clearly fraud without video and witness testimonials.

  31. Interesting Ali says:

    Do you think role playing is going to sell your stuff?

    I started this and its good practice to ask before stating facts which may hurt people in belief or in practice.

    Quran 49: 12.

    O you who believe! Avoid much suspicions, indeed some suspicions are sins. And spy not, neither backbite one another. Would one of you like to eat the flesh of his dead brother? You would hate it (so hate backbiting) . And fear Allâh. Verily, Allâh is the One Who accepts repentance, Most Merciful.

  32. Mierchee says:

    Hey big brain, have you gone to women's club to establish your intelligence? We are waiting for the video clip.

  33. Interesting Ali says:

    Defining redefining doesn't yield result .The way you think is known as one eyed job.

  34. Interesting Ali says:

    Oh little brain did I forget to tell what is an opinion(perspective) ?. Tell me if you want me to dissect your comment.

  35. Dragoste7 says:

    If adultery is what bothering you Interesting Ali, I got news for you. The worst form of adultery is in Islam.

    You have:
    – Polygamy
    – Divorce-Divorce-Divorce at man's will
    – Zawaj Mutah (temporary marriage)
    – Sex slaves.

    All these are adultery.

    To add more, I have seen cheating husbands/wives in Islam more. I have a friend who works in a hospital in an area inhabited by a majority of Muslims. The amount of young Muslim women having surgeries to "restore their Virginity" Is shocking. The procedure is way cheap, confidential and available to everyone.

    True love is rarely found among muslims especially Arab muslims. Up to 90% are unfaithful.

    We go to the beach, only muslim men would stare at girls in a lustful way. It's disgusting. Don't you have self control?

  36. FoT says:

    "You mean billions are fools lol. "

    No they are not fools (all of them), they are just following the teachings of a fool. Either deliberately (these are the fools) or because they have been decived/kept in the darkness.

  37. enlightened25 says:

    "equal union" I am sorry their no such equal union, when a man "loves" a women he is not in love not with her but with himself. Or as you quote Jesus 'as though she is thyself'. Yes he projects onto her himself and is in love with himself, he will ignore any of her faults or ugliness and love only that part of himself he sees (or wants to see) in her. Their is no proper love between man and women as that only happens when you see someone with their own individuality not as "thyself".

  38. enlightened25 says:

    “Jesus Made it very clear that a man should treat his wife 'as though she is thyself' the whole concept of Christian marriage is that you become one and nothing breaks that bond. Jesus says 'husbands do not be harsh with your wives be understanding'“ Question, why is Jesus only speaking to men? Its seems women have no duty, only the man seem to have a duty towards his wife, but no duty of the wife towards the husband. Is this because women are shaped in the image of man or of their husband not the other way around? Or as you say “man is the head of the house”, or in other words women expect men to lead, is that not that enough to ridicule this absurd notion of the equality of the sexes?

  39. enlightened25 says:

    “He must make decisions for the good of his wife and family and put selfish needs to one side.” That’s right because women cannot make decisions. “He makes the big decisions with the help of his wife.” No the men make the decisions indeed women demand it of them, women would are repelled by man who say that all they thought was right, or as Paul says women was created for man. 'forsaking all others' Isn’t that bad? I thought the first commandment is to love God? Forsaking everything for a women? You want your husband to put you above everyone else? Why do you think you deserve to be at the centre of his universe? This is extremely selfish.

  40. enlightened25 says:

    Jesus clearly denounced the utterly immoral practice of marriage "The people of this age marry and are given in marriage. But those who are considered worthy of taking part in the age to come and in the resurrection from the dead will neither marry nor be given in marriage, and they can no longer die; for they are like the angels. They are God�s children, since they are children of the resurrection. Luke 20: 34

  41. Yun says:

    A glimpse of the article – "Egyptian husbands will soon be legally allowed to have sex with their dead wives – for up to six hours after their death."

  42. Yun says:

    AS, I came across this today. I'm stunned.

  43. Interesting Ali says:

    Where did you find wrong in Islam? Have you practiced Islam? You mean billions are fools lol.

    "In Islam there is no simple command to 'love your wife' lol Your conclusions are hopeless.

    Should I start and give exact status of societies of christians . Do you need detail report on hypocrisy modesty, adultery of christian societies? lol

    Not even close to muslims.

    Look If you have only disease to blame Islam so continue Some blah blah We don't care.

  44. Marta says:

    *lack of intellect…

  45. Marta says:

    Christianity promotes equality and Ali yes fornication is wrong. But a man and a woman belong to one another. There is no room for anyone else in that union. To take an extra wife or to have sex with slave girls would be fornication in Christianity. To answer your question enlightened Jesus states over and over that the man is the head of the house but that he must love his wife as Christ loves the church. This is a high expectation a man must sacrifice himself for his wifes happiness. He must make decisions for the good of his wife and family and put selfish needs to one side. He makes the big decisions with the help of his wife. They stand together. In Islam there is no simple command to 'love your wife' and definitely no 'forsaking all others' once a man has sex with another woman outside of his union it becomes unequal. Jesus Made it very clear that a man should treat his wife 'as though she is thyself' the whole concept of Christian marriage is that you become one and nothing breaks that bond. Jesus says 'husbands do not be harsh with your wives be understanding' Jesus would be horrified by a man beating his wife. When a group of people were going to stone a prostitute and they asked Jesus what he thought he said 'let he who is without sin cast the first stone' they all walked away. Christianity is about getting rid of the hypocrisy and attempting to live a life free of mental illness. Islam promotes and glorifies mental illness and does not allow for such an equal union. The koran is littered with statements about womens laconic intellect and weakness. It is a political misogynistic party that is made even scarier by it's 'religious' status. There are people out there doing crazy things in the name of Allah.

  46. enlightened25 says:

    "Apostle Paul writes" Also paul writes these things in Corinthians xi.

    3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.

    8 For the man is not of the woman; but the woman of the man.

    9 Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man.

  47. Loki says:

    I should have started with an abuse for you to call all women "deficient in intelligence".But I'm not uncultured or uneducated like you.You have not had the chance to meet intelligent women.I have and some are as smart as 'any' man.
    Just shows the flimsy,no that's not an appropriate word,devilish philosophy of your religion.Shame! Shame! Shame!

  48. enlightened25 says:

    Truly I tell you, no one who has left home or wife or brothers or sisters or parents or children for the sake of the kingdom of God will fail to receive many times as much in this age, and in the age to come eternal life." Luke 18: 29

    "The people of this age marry and are given in marriage. But those who are considered worthy of taking part in the age to come and in the resurrection from the dead will neither marry nor be given in marriage, and they can no longer die; for they are like the angels. They are God�s children, since they are children of the resurrection. Luke 20: 34

    As Jesus was saying these things, a woman in the crowd called out, "Blessed is the mother who gave you birth and nursed you." He replied, "Blessed rather are those who hear the word of God and obey it." Luke 11: 28

  49. enlightened25 says:

    The new testament (christianity) Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

    What about these verses? "If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters�yes, even his own life�such a person cannot be my disciple. Luke 14: 26

  50. Interesting Ali says:

    Don't know much about fornication in Christianity whether it is allowed and what extent.You haven't read what I said. I never channelize other's opinion. Opinion is all about getting sugar or molasses out of sugar cane. Opinion(Perspective) is not Truth.

    BTW if you met my wife let me know !

  51. Marta says:

    You already said you know nothing about Christianity and don't want to. You find Islam the beat religion do you? What are you basing that on? So far all you have done is personally insulted the choices and mistakes I have made. I'm still waiting for you to change my opinion on Islam. You agree with the verses? Good. Go and beat your wife then and leave me to live my life.

  52. Interesting Ali says:

    lol I was figuring out goal of your fabricated story. He is not living Islam.Here your fictional story ends. If guy is not a muslim and you are not a christian. You both having chaos Where is the religion? So You accepted you ridiculed christianity living your filthy life ?! No body will tell you being so wise and having so messed up with life.They will tell you are not intelligent so you did.

    Yes I didn't find anything bad in Quranic verses.Tell me if you want me to explain those verses which justify Truth.(if you are honest with Truth). You are so pathetic to tell that you jump on conclusions on your own but need help in relationship . And don't feel ashamed of preconceived plan of blaming Islam lol. God gave you two eyes and insight.

    You got a problem and you are telling me to leave ? Wow ! Why should I to live filthy,hopeless life like you? I found Islam the best religion. Ridiculous is what you do ? Do you think any moral law govern you? lol

    Brief: Quran (4:19),(43:70) (33:35)(16:97)(30:21)

  53. Mierchee says:

    You simply attested new generated issues which I already knew are the target.
    So what is your response?
    How you skipped whole of the story and pointed out only issue lol.
    Only issue? I thought that was a part of main issues.
    So according to you, deficiency in women's intelligence becoming the only issue to discuss about? Good, very good.
    Well, I suddenly develop an idea. Why don't you come to prove this truth in practical life? As i stated earlier, you should go to a women's club of any non-Muslim elite community, and establish yourself! Also, don't forget to video record that important event. There will be nothing more interesting to the members of this forum than that!! Good luck!
    Your little brain should know that narrated guy is not even following Islam.
    My little brain really didn't know that there is no deception in Islam. lol!!

  54. Marta says:

    If you read my comment you would see that he IS living Islam. Go bury your head in the sand. Or better still pick up a copy of the Quran in English and read it for yourself. I said I have moved closer to my faith I am no longer having a sexual relationship with him. We are trying to work through our differences. We are doing that by looking at the teachings we were raised on. So I've been a bad Christian? Yes I have and God is in no way to blame for my choices. The point I am making is that it is Islam itself as a doctrine that is flawed. what can I do about that? Dont deny what is written. You can't deny it it is in print. Maybe that's why you are encouraged to read it in Arabic. The truth hurts. One question. Do you agree with the statements I have outlined that are directly from the Koran? Do you believe this is the moral way that God wants you to treat women? If so then you agree with me that his and his families treatment of me are inspired by the Koran? I haven't even started on the many instructions to kill unbelievers where you find them…. Do me a favour. If you are going to debate then know your religion. If you know it then you either wholeheartedly accept tour koranic instructions and believe them in which case stop debating, hold up your hands and admit that it is a misogynistic and ridiculous religion. Or…. Leave Islam.

  55. Interesting Ali says:

    Ok so you took decision ? Are you blaming Islam for behavior of your narrated person ? Did he treated you according to Islam. No he don't follow Islam. So you want me to get engage in refuting your misinterpretation, misunderstanding of world's most justified, most spreading Religion.lol

    I don't know if christianity support fornication and what level. Nor I am interested in knowing and not interested if there is light for this. Well as of husband and wife are concerned there lot of can be said in Islam. You guys are not qualified for that. You see sex as enjoyment as you do and you are doing. Good luck with your chaos. You can't talk about morality while you are living filthy life. Everyone will laugh at you.

    I don't know why you guys play like this? Developing a fabricated story and talking about same and same which had been explained earlier lol.

    Truth is happening

  56. Marta says:

    Men are managers of the affairs of women because Allah has made the one superior to the other. (Maududi, vol. 1, p. 329)

    "Men have authority over women because God has made the one superior to the other, and because they spend their wealth to maintain them. Good women are obedient. They guard their unseen parts because God has guarded them. As for those from whom you fear disobedience, admonish them and forsake them in beds apart, and beat them." Quran 4:34,

    "A male shall inherit twice as much as a female." Quran 4:11

    "Call in two male witnesses from among you, but if two men cannot be found, then one man and two women whom you judge fit to act as witnesses…" Quran 2:282

    "[Forbidden to you are] married women, except those whom you own as slaves." Quran 4:24,

    "If you fear that you cannot treat [orphan girls] with fairness, then you may marry other women who seem good to you: two, three, or four of them. But if you fear that you cannot maintain equality among them, marry one only or any slave-girl you may own." Quran 4:3

    Menstruating women are unclean, and men must stay away from them. Women are men's "fields," and men can have sex with them whenever they want. Men are superior to women and have authority over them, while women must obey men or risk being beaten. A woman is worth one-half of a man, and men are above women. Muslim men may marry up to four wives, including prepubescent girls, and can own sex slaves. Muslims are not allowed to marry non-Muslims, unless the latter convert to Islam. Women must cover themselves and be seen only by relatives,
    eunuchs, slaves and children who have not yet had sex with women.

    The new testament (christianity)
    Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her
    Galatians 3:28: "There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus."

    Jesus treated women as people, not servants or sex objects. In a day when men did not even speak to women publicly, Jesus explained the scriptures and offered hope to the woman at the well, a member of an outcast race. Moved by compassion, He resurrected the only son of a widow. He was the perfect gentleman on every occasion, never abusing His power or celebrity status. He taught women, healed women, and accepted women, even those considered "unclean."

    Women recognized His gender-blind love for all and reciprocated by acts such as pouring fine perfume on His feet and visiting His tomb after even His male disciples had abandoned Him. When Christ rose from the dead, He appeared first to women, not His apostles. Accordingly, women were central in the early church; the Bible depicts women co-ministering as leaders, teachers, benefactors, and even apostles. (2)

    The New Testament gives explicit rules for preventing the mistreatment of women, even addressing the issue of sexual harassment. In the Letter to Timothy, the Apostle Paul writes, "Treat younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity." (3) Paul makes it clear that we are all children of God through our shared faith. He says, "There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus."(4)

    In other words, we are not to identify ourselves by gender, race, or class. Male domination was a curse, but all are equal in Christ.

    So therefore Islam is a curse and yes it is the biggest reason for the behaviours I have had to deal with. Maybe your mind is so befuddled from all the poison.

    "Women are your fields: go, then, into your fields whence you please." Quran 2:223,

  57. Interesting Ali says:

    How I come to know your character as an orchestrated character to give birth to other issues in discussion which are going to target religion lol

    Considering your existence Islam have no role in your story nor the reason for your situation. All is your deficiency in intelligence to cope up with situation and recognizing true friends (Oh 11 years). Your emotional dependance you still bearing is a key player in your decision making.

    Brief : Men and Women, Spiritual equality, Roles and Responsibilities, physical and emotional differences, working chemistry and there are so many measures which describe Actual Equality.

  58. Marta says:

    Thanks everyone for your comments. I'd like to point out to 'interesting Ali that your attitude and comments do not surprise me. Your religion tells you that a man is worth twice a woman, that women are deficient in intelligence, that they are crooked, that most of hell will be made up of women, that your reward in heaven will be virgins. Of course you have a low opinion of women. Whether you follow your religion or not the poison has seeped in. As for what you said regarding fornication I agree. It is a wrong lifestyle. However I bet you any money that when your out with your boys on a Saturday night you forget that. Ive been with this one man. I think you talk the talk and I think intelligently and emotionally men like yourself love being a part of such a hypocritical male dominated religion. As for the rest of what you said I'm afraid it was unintelligible.

  59. Marta says:

    Intelligently and emotionally DEFICIENT

  60. Marta says:

    Thanks everyone for your comments. I'd like to point out to 'interesting Ali that your attitude and comments do not surprise me. Your religion tells you that a man is worth twice a woman, that women are deficient in intelligence, that they are crooked, that most of hell will be made up of women, that your reward in heaven will be virgins. Of course you have a low opinion of women. Whether you follow your religion or not the poison has seeped in. As for what you said regarding fornication I agree. It is a wrong lifestyle. However I bet you any money that when your out with your boys on a Saturday night you forget that. Ive been with this one man. I think you talk the talk and I think intelligently and emotionally men like yourself love being a part of such a hypocritical male dominated religion. As for the rest of what you said I'm afraid it was unintelligible.

  61. lolllz says:

    dear marta join this forum http://www.councilofexmuslims.com/index.php?board… there are many ex muslims there. so they might understand ur partner better and u might get advice from different perspective.

  62. dirtyMo says:


    I understand what you are going through emotionally…I am not a christian, but will advice you clearly on your emotional problem…you think you are in love, but in fact you are in pain because in reality what you are undergoing is merely kAma (lust) (do not take me negatively, I have been through such attractions although not for such a long time)….ask yourself why you are in pain if you are in love and are meant for each other…happiness comes ONLY through right living…Life teaches with severe pain (emotional and/or physical) when you take a wrong step. You should stop and start thinking "why I am in pain if I merely loved him". From eastern religious point of view kAma (lust or unrighteous desires, not ONLY sexual) is very pleasurable for short time in the beginning or intermittently and gives LOT of PAIN for majority of the time.

    You should have understood by now that you are doing something very very wrong…why were you happy before moving in with your so called love? why are you so unhappy after you moved in with your so called love?….think over it…..

    happiness and peace (at the least for a major amount of your time) comes only through RIGHT LIVING…change your ways and you will see your happiness return to you…there is a looongggg…healing process ahead…

  63. solsoldo says:


    I do not hate you marta, i love you because you are my sister in Christ. you see, it's amazing how christian women revolt against his brother, mother and even father because she know her family means no harm, and will not do harm to her. should we beaten you to make you understand and obey?. in fact you are not his wife, you said you have personal relationship with GOD now, and yet you against GOD Commandment DO NOT COMMIT ADULTERY, which is i can say about your relationship with your partner. you just wasting your time to convince him, a men like him do not have guts do to the right things and even an angle are not enough to convince him, his last job is to convert you to islam, to gain his reward 72 virgin in the paradise. he would rather kill you than to betray his filthy religion and his family. because I've seen it here in my country Indonesia. i can assure you your way will not work. as long as you both stay there.

  64. enlightened25 says:

    Leave this man alone, he is not your child who needs "saving". Men are best left alone that way they will solve their own problems, they don’t need women trying to "redeem" them.

  65. Interesting Ali says:

    You simply attested new generated issues which I already knew are the target. Thank you.
    How you skipped whole of the story and pointed out only issue lol.
    Your little brain should know that narrated guy is not even following Islam.

  66. mierchee says:

    The way you presented here I see you are emotionally efficient but deficient in intelligence like all woman naturally.
    Measurable All(i), Why did you forget to put the word 'Muslim' before the word, woman(women?). ?
    Pray to allah, so you shall not have to face any educated woman from non-Muslim community!!

    You are free to have your opinion about yourself.
    Again, pray allah so that he omits to know your comment!!!!

  67. Mierchee says:

    Marta, Thanks that you show the courage to discuss personal matters in open forum. Although your problem is not your very personal, rather a common one to all converted girls, mainly by deception. This story may help many other to come out from their prison. However, you at least get the right decision to proceed with your own life. try to bring him too. and for at least one year don't push him on the matter of religion. Pass a free life with him, and after a year ask him how he feels. If he nods positive just tell him to convert to Xianity. If he accepts, it's good for all. But if he rejects and remain firm to his Islamic core, kick him from your life. he is nothing but another deceptive cruel nut.

    Welcome back to free life.

  68. Interesting Ali says:

    My comment is simple.All you narrated is nothing to do with Islam.Fornication is sin in Islam and you guys are into it. And whatever you said about Islam can be be refuted easily. Refutation doesn't seem solution to your problem. The way you presented here I see you are emotionally efficient but deficient in intelligence like all woman naturally. You are free to have your opinion about yourself.

    Fabrication is a mother issue which raise other issues. So these new generated issues may target to some other aspect of life like religion, life style. But again this is not solution to your problems.

    So please seek solution to you problems.

  69. jesusfollower says:

    pls leave him immediately and save your self. JESUS IS LORD

  70. Marta says:

    Solsoldo do you not think I too am disappointed? I make excuses and procrastinate and pray. I have shown him what I believe and the last two years has drawn me closer to my own faith in a big way. Before I met him I was bought up Christian was innocent and pretty naive to be honest but didn't have the personal relationship with God that I have now. Nothing I have said here I haven't said to him. It is tearing me apart because whether we are married or not I see him as my husband my only love. I have stuck by him through thick and thin. I dont consider myself a weak person I am educated and have my own money. I am torn in two not sleeping properly and one day I feel hopeful and the next I sink to the deepest despair. I know I sound a fool but I love him like a wife but also a mother and a friend. Ive never loved him to get what I can out of it. I wouldn't want it to end in a nasty or horrible way. I think I need to maybe just take my stuff move out for a while to get some headspace. It's easier said then done though. Thank-you all for your support.

  71. solsoldo says:


    Now you know the truth, what is gonna be. leave him to save your future life or stay for abuse. many people have childhood suffering experience that doesn't mean to sacrifice our life to save them. isn't he a men. if a men can't stand for himself and the one whom he love, could be a good partner?? a clue, NO. i'm sorry for you and i think you old enough to choose what is better for you. and as a fellow christian I'm very disappointed. fix it.

    Mr. Sina
    Good Advise.

  72. Marta says:

    'interesting ali' what is your comment/ point?

  73. knowTheEnemy says:

    "……unless he leaves them [Islam and his family] and comes with me I am going it alone."

    That is a very smart decision Marta. In the best case scenario this decision can produce wonderful results, whereas in the worst case scenario it will save you from wasting any more time, effort, and emotional fuel on a non-fixable situation.

    IMO Whether things work out with him or not, make sure to move OUT of the Islamic country ASAP. Islamic societies and governments have all tools available to weaken women and you can easily end up further dependent on him (and his family).

    Have faith in the wise decision that you have made. Good luck to you!

  74. Interesting Ali says:

    Read full what I said.

  75. Samsudhi says:

    Ali you are not at all interesting , instead very boring & stupid .
    You are going defeat who ? Idiot !!

  76. Interesting Ali says:

    Grow up 4m stupid dissing game.Just focus on what I said.

  77. everin says:

    U are hallucinating again. This really borders on the ridiculous. In medicine, there is an incurable condition called 'delusions of grandeur ' that is the endpoint of tertiary syphillis. Are we seeing a classic case here ?

  78. Interesting Ali says:

    Brief : 99% different answer is possible to this letter. A bit is related with Islam whilst deliberately fabricated against Islam lol

    Any way my Intense debate status shows I am not going to refute but I am going to defeat .

  79. Marta says:

    Thank-you Ali for taking the time and effort to address my situation in a compassionate and forthright manner. Before the nightmare started I was inclined to think 'each to their own' and 'let's celebrate all faiths and respect one another' I have realised that this is impossible with Islam. it is like a deadly poison that seeps into your soul and destroys your humanity. It turns people into machines and it is a danger to our society. I wish I had known this a decade ago. We do not have children and are not married. He wants to marry but I am scared and unless he leaves them and comes with me I am going it alone. God bless you whether you believe in him or not 🙂

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