How Can I Save my Marriage with my Muslim Husband?
I’m sorry to be bothering you but I have been reading your stuff online. God I feel horrible for going behind my husband’s back but I can’t live like this anymore. What you wrote make sense to me but i can’t figure out how to make him see it.
Let me start from the beginning. I am a Christian woman. 24yrs old. I didn’t listen to my family or friends and I married a Muslim man. I had him promise to go to church with me, to let me take the kids to church–and he promised it all before we married. We live in the US. But then after we got married he said he lied. We fight all the time. I cry now all the time and it is not me. I used to laugh and be happy and get in trouble for it but now I cry so much that my health is failing fast. But I still love him to bits.
It gets worse his father is dying and instead of helping his ma find a job and be able to support her other kids, he told me that when his father is going to die he’s going to leave with his mother and go to his Arab country and stay there with her. That I can either come with him or our marriage is over.
His mother is against me and hates me and he wants me to leave everything I love behind, move to his country and live in his mother’s house.
He already told me that I won’t get on well there because I am Christian and they are all Muslims. He never stands up for me. Every time I hear his father is in the hospital I get so scared, my heart starts to hurt and I know that this might be the day when he leave me for his mother because “because the heaven is under the mothers feet.”
I want to save my marriage but i don’t want to give up my happiness and my family. He already told me not to see my best friend of 14yrs again. He never wants to socialize with my side of the family. He told me I will only have what he is willing to give and he isn’t willing to give me anything cause he has to give it to charity. God will love him and bless him. He told me that I’m materialistic cause I want to make a home with him and a future and be stable so i don’t have to worry for any future kids.
Please help me. I really want to save my marriage. And I know you don’t have time but I have to try. So please any help. I will greatly appreciate.
I understand you want to save your marriage. But my dear, you don’t have a marriage. Why people marry? They marry so they can be happier. You were happier before. You used to laugh and were a carefree girl. Now you cry all the time to the extent that your health is deteriorating fast. And you still say you love this man to bits?
He lied to you. He deceived you. He cheated you. Now that you are married, he ignores you. He does not stand up for you. He abuses you emotionally. He is telling you that you don’t matter to him and that if you don’t obey him and don’t do what he says he will divorce you. His mother hates you and he still wants you to move to his country and live in her house, under her control.
If you do that your life will be a thousand times worse than what is today. If he is not beating you now, he will, once you are in his country. You will have no rights over your children with him. A woman in Islam is nothing more than an embryo incubator. There are no such things a maternal rights as we know them in the civilized world.
In his country you will be in an alien land among a people who hate you simply for who you are. Some women convert to Islam in the hope to appease their husband and his family and be accepted. That is vain hope and delusional thinking. To Muslims you are an inferior being and not even your conversion will change that. Arabs are very racist.
What is between you and this man, is not love. It is co-dependency. It is sadomasochism. Muslims are all narcissist and narcissists are sadist. First they throw a lure at you, like a fisherman trying to catch a fish. Once you bite, they will pull the line a bit and release it, but each time the line become shorter and you lose more of your freedom, until you are in his grip., Eventually, you lose all your freedom and your life as you knew it is over.
And I am afraid you are somewhat a masochist. How can you love a man who abuses you to such an extent that puts your health in peril? If you don’t enjoy being tormented and abused why do you stay i this toxic relationship? Leave him! You can do it now with ease, but you won’t be able to do it without huge sacrifices later. And I suggest you meet a therapist. Even if you come out of this unhealthy marriage, you may fall for another abusive man. That is why I suggest you see a therapist.
I have said this many times. A Muslim man is incapable of loving a woman in the true sense of the word. He does not know the meaning of love. Love is an art that you learn. Muslim men don’t love their wives (See my previous article). So their children don’t get to learn this art and if you marry a Muslim man he is incapable of loving you. He will want to possess you, but he can’t love you. His values are very distinct from yours. Muslims belong to a different species. They are not compatible with us.
The relationship of this man with his mother is also troubling. But this is typical in Middle Eastern families. She controls him and she will control any women he marries. It’s going to be hard even for a Muslim woman to marry this man let alone for you who are not used to that sick culture.
This man you call husband is emotionally a child. He has not yet cut his umbilical cord from his mother. His relationship with her is symbiotic. I am afraid your hope that he may one day leave her, the way an adult young man ought to, and chooses you as his life partner is wishful thinking. He can’t have a healthy marital relationship with you or with any woman because he is still a child who needs to hide under his mother’s skirt. Even after her death he will want a mother for a wife. This man can never function as a husband and a father. He is an abused child and a misfit human being. This is an added problem about him, apart from him being a Muslim.
When a man ignores his wife, as is often the case in Islamic marriages, the son may move in to become his mother’s surrogate spouse. He acts as her protector. This kind of unhealthy mother-son relationship is far too common in Muslim households and it is something that battered mothers encourage. Having virtually no husband to support them emotionally, they form an emotional bond with their sons. These women will be jealous of their daughter in laws and see them as rivals and competitors for their son’s affection. Any woman marrying such men will have a miserable life. When you marry a Muslim man, it is very likely you marry a mama’s boy.
You ask me to help you save your marriage. What marriage? You don’t have a marriage. You are in an abusive relationship. All I can tell you is, open your eyes and get out of it now, not tomorrow or the next hour. Pack and go as soon as you read this email. Go to your parents and ask them to shelter you until you get your legal divorce from this excuse for a husband. Do you really want this man to be the father of your children and raise them with his twisted values?
There is no point to talk to him and I don’t think any therapist can help him. First of all he does not think there is anything wrong with him and he will not listen to a therapist. Secondly, his unhealthy relationship with his mother is only one part of the problem. The main problem is that he is a Muslim and hence lacks conscience. He does not believe in the Golden Rule, the very thing that makes us people human.
Charity!? What charity? He is talking about helping Islamic terrorism. There is no charity in Islam in the sense that you understand it. Charity for Muslims means supporting jihad with money and with their lives. Jihad means two things: taqiyah (lying) and terrorism. You have already become a victim of his lies. He deceived you to marry him and now he is abusing you to convert to Islam. This is for him his jihad. Your children will be Muslims. This is how Islam has advanced “peacefully” where sword was not used.
You are still young. From your email I gather you don’t have a child. Rejoice! It means your child will not be suffering from your mistake. You can undo your mistake and put this ordeal behind you. Even if you had children, my advice to you is the same. This man is not a good marriage package and he will never be one. He cannot be a good husband or a good father. He is not a mature person. He will only destroy your life and will bring you no happiness. Your marriage with him will not last. So end it now that you don’t have a child yet.
He does not love you and you don’t love him. He wants to possess you, and what you feel for him is not love. You are enslaved by him. Love will make you happy and free. If you loved him you would not have written to me asking for help. Have you heard of Stockholm syndrome? Please check it out and read about it. That is what you have.
Read the stories of other women in this blog. It is all the same. The details vary but the theme is the same in all of them. They meet a prince charming who turns into a frog. They marry a Dr. Jekyll who transforms into Mr. Hyde. We have to make the world know that Muslims are not like us or more innocent people will suffer. They don’t have the same human heart as we have. They don’t have the same conscience that we have. They are all narcissists. We are dealing with 1.5 billion psychopaths. They are sick to the extent that they emulate their prophet. Do not trust them. Do not be fooled by Muslims even if they appear to be kind and loving. Yes there are good people among them but why take the risk? You never know when they will decide to turn to their god and transform from Dr. Jekyll to Mr. Hyde.
You live only once my dear and you deserve to be happy. Don’t choose the life of living dead. Why should you when you can throw this excuse of a husband out of your life and find happiness with someone that is mature enough and is able to love a woman like a man should?
Twenty Four is too young for marriage. You have another 10 to 15 years to find a good man. Even after that the doors are not closed.