My younger brother suddenly surprised us by declaring that he has already converted to Islam in order to marry his Malay girlfriend. His future in-laws organized his wedding on this Apr 20. My mother almost fainted.
Please help advise them the danger of Islam.
Your brother is committing a huge mistake and he will live to regret it. Irrespective of whether Islam is right or wrong anyone who forces you to change your religion does not have much respect for you and without respect love is meaningless. Marriage must be based on love and not on blackmail. This marriage is doomed. Unfortunately, love blinds and reason becomes the casualty.
A conditional love is not love. This Muslim woman does not love your brother. Someone in love would never force the person she loves to recant his religion in order to please her. By virtue of following a narcissist Muslims are incapable of loving anyone in the true meaning of the word.
The main thing that distinguishes humans from animals is empathy. Empathy is the ability to feel the pain of others. It literally means being in suffering with someone else. All animals can create a loving bond with other animals of their kind or different species through interaction and familiarity. That is not empathy. Empathy is when one cares about strangers. Vegans refuse to consume meat and animal products because they do not want to cause pain to animals. This is one sign of empathy.
To determine wither you have empathy take a look at the following picture. What do you feel? Does it look funny or sad? If you think it is funny or feel indifferent you lack empathy. If you are disturbed by it and feel sorry for this helpless animal you have empathy.
Muslims love their own children and those close to them. They are however, unable to feel the suffering of those outside their pack. Empathy is absent in animals. sociopaths and in Muslims. Other ideologies of hate, such as Nazis, communism, fascism and KKK also discourage empathy. The history of Islam is full of tales of Muslims raiding and butchering innocent people and a few moments later standing for prayer. Not only they did not feel guilt for their atrocities they praised their god for giving them the chance to inflict pain on others. Islam dehumanizes people and destroys their empathy.
The same lack of empathy exists in Muslims today. If a Muslim kills a Jews, the majority of Muslims rejoice. Exceptions are few. However, if in any conflict a Muslim is hurt all Muslims want revenge. The majority of Palestinians want the destruction of Israel and the genocide of the Jews. Muslims all over the world are supportive of them and their cause. Wherever there is a conflict between Muslims and non-Muslims, whether it is Israel, Kashmir, Chechnya or in any part of the world, Muslims take the side of Muslims. The question about who is at fault is never raised. Such question is irrelevant. Muslims take the side of Muslims, without hesitation.
This pack mentality is common among animals. What makes humans different, and I would say superior from the evolutionary point of view, is our ability to empathize with those who don’t belong to our pack, our race, our religion, or our species. Spiritually evolved humans take the side of the wronged one and the oppressed, irrespective of religion or race. This human quality is not nurtured in Islam. It is discouraged. Muhammad said, the polytheists are unclean (Q. 9:27), and fight those who don’t believe in Allah and the Last Day (9:28). He urged his followers not to associate with their fathers and brothers if they don’t convert to Islam (9:23) and warned them against taking Jews and Christians as friends. He said whoever takes them as friend is one of them, meaning a kafir (5:51), which means he should be killed (9:5) and treated harshly (9:73).
All these fit Muhammad’s narcissistic character. By following their prophet Muslims have become like him and collectively show signs of narcissism. I invite everyone to read the sixth edition of my book Understanding Muhammad (it is available in Kindle format from Amazon.com) as well as in hard copy. In this book I have shown that Muhammad suffered from a malignant form of narcissistic personality disorder and how his followers, by virtue of thinking like him and emulating him have become narcissist. Islam is folly en masse.
As narcissists, Muslims are incapable of true love. If this woman loved your brother she would have respected his independence and choice of belief and would not have forced him to convert to please her or her parents. It is clear that your brother is not her priority. Her parents, relatives, friends and her community are more important in her estimation than the man she is planning to marry. This is a bad foundation for marriage. The chance of such marriages failing is extremely high.
I am afraid, there is a lot of heartache and calamity in store for your brother that he is neither aware of nor prepared for. We lie in the bed we make. Some people learn from the mistakes of others and others learn it from their own.
There is another important factor that will result in the failure of this marriage that has nothing to do with Islam. Women are attracted to manly men. Some of the attributes of a manly man are leadership, strength and integrity. A man who changes his religion to appease his woman sends a clear message that he is weak, needy and insecure – not a leader but a follower – one who has no integrity and will step over his own convictions to gain acceptance from others. In other words he is a wimp, a wuss, which women find extremely unattractive.
A man who is not manly cannot get respect from any woman. This is ingrained in women’s psychology. Women find strong men attractive and are repulsed by weak men. Although on the surface your brother’s girlfriend may express her joy for his conversion, deep down inside, at a sub conscious level, she is disappointed. She sees that your brother lacks strength. He is not someone that can be leaned on and trusted. A man who betrays his conviction to gain acceptance from a woman is hardly a dependable man that any woman can find attractive.
The subconscious mind is much stronger than the conscious mind. It is often compared to the hidden portion of an iceberg. You can only see the tip of the iceberg. Its massive size is under water, hidden from the view. Likewise, the largest portion of our consciousness is our subconscious. Our conscious mind is the product of our upbringing, education and culture. It is a superstructure, like a façade that covers the subconscious mind. The sub-conscious mind, which is the foundation of our consciousness and its skeleton, is formed by millions of years of evolution. It is an evolutionary imperative that women are attracted to strong men.
Sadly, your brother has failed his test of manhood. He has demonstrated to be weak and has devalued himself irreparably in the eyes of his future wife. This forebodes disaster. She has no control over her feelings. Just as a man who does not find a woman attractive, can’t be talked into it, a woman who loses respect for a man because he is a wuss, cannot change her views about him. Your brother has diminished his value in the sight of this woman without redemption. The first cracks in their marriage will start to show when the honeymoon is over, and from there things will go from bad to worse. She can’t respect him and that is something she has no control over.
Children born to this couple will pick up the negative vibes that their mother sends and they too will not be able to respect their father. An emasculated father figure is a bad role model for his children. The psychological effects of such a dysfunctional family will spread to the future generations and many lives can be affected as the result. This is more than what your brother has bargained for.
You have done your duty to help your brother. You contacted me and sought my counsel. I also have fulfilled my responsibility by writing this article and informing him about his mistake. Ultimately, each person is responsible for his own actions. Countless people commit the same mistake, marry a Muslim and their lives is destroyed. Your brother’s life is no more precious than theirs. He is an adult. He has the right to err and pay for his errors. Wish him well and leave him alone. You are not your brother’s keeper and cannot care about him more that he cares about himself. As Persians say, if you are the bowl, don’t be hotter than the soup.