I am writing you out of desperation and because I truly need help. I came across your website and felt compelled to reach out to you because I feel like you could provide me the facts I need to get through what I am currently going through. I will try to be as brief as possible, but in Nov 2012 I fell in love with a man from UAE living here in the US. I am Christian. He is not overtly extremely religious but his family is. They pray 5 times a day, his parents arranged a marriage with a girl from the Middle East to marry his oldest brother, his other brother is married to a Muslim girl, and everyone else in his family observes the religion. I thought it was okay to pursue the relationship because he is not religious and because I have never felt so strongly for someone before. It was a whirlwind romance with him telling me he thought he loved me after only 2 weeks. I completely fell for everything. Turned out, he was in a long distance relationship with a Muslim girl who he ended up telling me he loved and was planning on marrying. We broke things off for several months but in January of 2014 I became pregnant with his child. I am now carrying his son.
He begged me for an abortion, threatened me, told me he was moving forward with his marriage plans with the other Muslim woman, and told me with certainty that he would never be a part of my life or the baby’s life, he would want nothing to do with us, and his family would never accept the baby as his child. Fast forward a few months of no contact between us, he came back, telling me he is ready to be a father, wants to be involved, and will fight me for custody of our son if I do not let him be. He said he did not want it to be like that but hoped we could be friends. I was willing to forgive, for the sake of our son,because I want him to have a father, and because I secretly hoped we could maybe be a family and raise our child together. Shortly after he came to me wanting to be a part of his son’s life, he informed me that he broke up with his fiance and he is already in a relationship with another woman. She is Muslim. He said they have only been seeing each other for 2 months, but he is certain he will marry her and I must meet her and befriend her because she will be in our son’s life.
I am devastated. I am still in love with this man. He wants nothing to do with me, and now I am forced to share custody of our son with not only him, but this other woman who he has only known for a short period of time. I haven’t been able to sleep or eat and instead of gaining weight in a normal pregnancy I am losing weight. I am sick. I am worried about the baby, and I have never been more depressed in my life.
If there is anything you can tell me to help me, to realize I shouldn’t be in love with this man, to realize he would never love me or want a family with me, or any advice what I should do moving forward in terms of our son, please, please help me. I just need some answers.
Thank you, so much, in advance…
A man who tells you he loves you only after two weeks of knowing you has no idea about love. He is a needy desperate man and confuses his needs with love. You can become attracted to someone at first glance but that is not love. Stay away from any man that proclaims his “undying love” to you too soon in the relationship. Their early infatuation will die soon and the result is always disappointment.
Let us compare love with fire. To start a fire, you need the spark first. The spark sets the wood on flame, which heats it and evaporates its moisture. Then the flame dies and what is left is a long lasting fire that is often hidden under the ashes. This red fire burns slowly until it consumes the wood and nothing but ash is left.
Love is no different. First there is the attraction. That is the spark. Then there is romance. That is the flame. But just as the flame is short lived, the romance in any relationship is also short lived. However, it plays a very important role, which is to bring the couple close to each other and fire up a long lasting love between them. The romance cannot live forever, and it is unreasonable to expect that it should last throughout the marriage. What should last is the profound love beneath surface that keeps the couple together until they live.
This man did not love you. He probably is incapable of loving anyone. But that is fine for girls of his culture as they too have no understanding of love. Many animals have no understanding or need for conjugal love. They have sexual arousal and mate and procreate and that is fine with them. We humans emerge from animal kingdom. The evolution of humanity in all humans is not homogeneous. We are only biologically the same. But spiritually we are in different stages of evolution. Muslims have not even started their spiritual evolution. For all intent and purposes they are spiritually speaking, a totally different species. Union with such spiritually underdeveloped people will never bring happiness.
But now the waters are under the bridge and there is nothing we can do to change the past. The important thing that you need to understand is that this man has never been and will never be the right person in your life. If you continue loving him you only hurt yourself. You have to get over him.
Your dream about having a family with this man is a fantasy. For Muslims sex is something dirty. If a woman consents to have sex with a man she becomes a slut in their eyes. If you sleep with a Muslim man he will no longer see you as a marriage material but a whore. According to Muslims, it is the woman’s responsibility to keep chaste and not give in to the man’s advances. The virginity of the woman is so entrench in the Muslim psyche that drives the parents of girls raped to kill their “defiled” daughter, even when the innocent girl is raped. In Islamic countries a booming business for doctors is to restore the hymen of the girls prior to marriage who marry someone who thinks they are marrying a virgin.
Therefore, stop thinking about this man. He is not going to marry you and that is actually a good thing because even if you marry him he will want to control you and mold you. There are few happy endings in the stories of women marrying Muslim men.
Now, you’re going to have a child from him and he is coming to claim shared custody. Don’t accept that. There are two reasons for his interest to be a part of his son’s life. One is that with shared custody he will not have to pay the child support. The other is that he wants to raise his son as another brain dead Muslim.
If you agree with shared child custody you will be his slave for the next 18 years. He will brainwash your son and will set him against you by telling him you are a whore. Muslims have disturbed minds. They are sick people. They are damaged. I tell you this because I come from this cesspool myself. I rejected a wonderful woman who was in love with me because he had a boyfriend prior to meeting me. I overlooked all the good things she had and all I could think of was that she was not a virgin.
You have to fight and get the full custody of your child. At the same time you have to make sure that he won’t kidnap the child during his visitation time and take him to his country. This happens all the time leaving the poor woman distraught. It’s not that they care about the child. What is important to them is that the child should be raised as a Muslim. That is the only thing that a Muslim can think of. The disease of Islam must continue.
You committed a mistake and there are consequences. But life continues and there are other opportunities for you. You will find a loving man who will accept you and your son. Detach yourself from this Muslim and look towards the future. It is going to be a rough ride. Trust in God and let Him be your Guide.
Keep yourself happy, not just for yourself but for your child. Your sate of mind will for sure affect your baby and will scar him for the rest of his life. So don’t make things worse. Forget this sick man and move on. Be happy! This is a prescription not a suggestion. The whole psychological makeup of your child depends on these few months of pregnancy and the first few years of his life. You must not think of this man and focus on happy thoughts for your child.
And for any woman thinking of dating a non practicing liberal Muslim let me say this that they should not be deceived by the appearances. Muslims can be very liberal, drink, have sex, and do all sorts of things that are prohibited in Islam but underneath they are still Muslim with the same prejudices, superstitions and flaws that all Muslims share. Just stay away from Muslims. There is no such thing as good Muslim. Even if they look normal on the outside, they are damaged from inside. You don’t see the rotten part until you take a bite and often when it is too late.