Beat Low Self-Esteem
I am 46 years old. My mail is not about Islam. It is about me. I have been mired in low self-esteem for the last 24 years, and my life is just slipping away, day by day, doing nothing. All my attempts to impose my will on my frailties have failed, and I have developed ‘learned helplessness’.
I am very impressed with your writings. Can you help me?
Low self-esteem is the root cause of many ills affecting us individually and consequently the socially. Nathaniel Brandon, a pioneer in the field of self- esteem, in his book The Six Pillars of Self Esteem wrote, “Apart from disturbance whose roots are biological, I cannot think of a single psychological problem—from anxiety and depression, to underachievement at school or at work, to fear of intimacy, happiness, or success, to alcohol or drug abuse, to spouse battering or child molestation, to co-dependency and sexual disorders, to passivity and chronic aimlessness, to suicide and crimes of violence—that is not traceable, at least in part, to the problem of deficient self-esteem. Of all the judgments we pass in life, none is as important as the one we pass on ourselves.”
I would go one step further and say that many of the mental disorders that are diagnosed as biological are psychosomatic in origin. We affect our biology through our thoughts. Much of the diseases, whether mental or physical are caused by our fears and worries, and are the products of our own thinking.
Every thought stimulates a gland or an organ and in response your body reacts. Think of lemon juice and your mouth starts salivating. Think of something fearful and your heart start beating faster; think of a funny incident and you start laughing; think a happy and joyous thought and your nerve cells start secreting dopamine, think of something erotic and you become sexually aroused, think of something sad and your eyes can be filled with tears. Your doctor can trick you giving you a placebo making you believe it is a potent medicine and in many cases you get better. Thoughts affect our body and our brain.
Predominant thoughts create permanent responses. They eventually leave their mark on our body and our brain. Many mental and physical disorders are the result of our habitual negative thinking. This also includes our sexual orientation. Unlike what people believe today, no one is born a homosexual. They become so as the result of thinking, starting in infancy and childhood. Thoughts create our reality. We are thoughts materialized. Quantum physics has given us a new understanding of the world and has driven a nail in the coffin of the 19th century materialism.
In the highest state of alertness, during the waking hours, the brain of an adult emits frequencies between 14-40 Hz. This is called Beta frequency. When we relax, with our eyes closed and slip into daydreaming our brain functions at 7.5 – 14 Hz frequencies. This is called Alpha state. During deep meditation and light sleep, including the all-important REM (Rapid Eye Movement) dream, the brain frequency drops to 4 – 7 Hz. This state is called Theta. And when the brain frequency drops to 0.5 – 4 Hz during deep, dreamless sleep we enter Delta state.
A new brain frequency discovered recently is called Gamma. It is the fastest frequency at above 40 Hz. While little is known about this state of mind, it is believed that it is associated with burst of insight and high-level information processing.
The brain of children below the age of five does not function at Beta frequencies. When they are infants their brain functions with frequencies that are ranged at Theta level and between the ages of 2-5 their brain activity reaches Alpha levels.
The rational mind of an adult works at Beta level. The Alpha frequency is the realm of the subconscious mind. This means that children do not have a rational mind. We knew that already. However, the importance of this discovery is in the fact that now we know whatever we tell our children will be registered in their subconscious mind as programming. It becomes the blueprint of their life. Children don’t analyze what we tell them. In the first five years of their life they download all the information that is fed to them whether consciously or subliminally.
After the age of five, the brain starts to function at Beta frequency. Children start to be analytical and critical of the information they receive. How? By sizing the new information against the information that is already programmed in their subconscious mind! If the new information matches the information with which they were programmed they accept it and if it does not, they reject it.
Whatever we do, from the age of 5 to 105 is the result of those five years of programming. So if in those five years you were told that you are not good enough, you are lazy, clumsy, will not amount to anything, etc. you will carry these beliefs as blueprint for the rest of your life. Even when you grow up and become an educated person, you still have low self-esteem. Self-esteem has nothing to do with intelligence. You can be a very smart person and highly qualified. But you can’t become successful because every time the opportunity arises you feel inadequate and do not take advantage of it. You will in fact sabotage your chances in order to validate your beliefs about yourself.
As I said, our sexual orientation is also formed at this time. For some reason, we associate sexual gratification with a person of the same sex in childhood. This is done unconsciously. As we grow it becomes part of our personality. Even our physiology responds to this expectation.
Propensity to addictions is also formed during these early years. Procrastination, eating disorders, failure to have friends and to form a loving relationship, failure to succeed in life and many traits that develop into mental disorders, such as narcissism, border line personality, depression, anxiety, paranoia, etc., are all the result of childhood subconscious programming. Most of them are byproducts of low self-esteem. The seed is sown in childhood and the fruit matures when the individual reaches adulthood.
So what shall we do to improve our self-esteem? You can spend years going to psychologists who will help you undo the damage that is done to you in childhood, or you can take the fast approach that I will describe below. We love easy fixes and instant solutions. In life there are no such things. This is the only exception I know of. So keep reading.
The subconscious mind it the powerhouse of our mind. If it is programmed to do something it will do it, even if you consciously try to do something else. You have no choice over your sub-conscious mind. Your will power does not work. Many people exert their will power and when they fail repeatedly they give up.
The mind can be compared to an iceberg. The conscious mind that is exposed is only 1/10th of the subconscious mind that is hidden under the water. Imagine you are sitting on that iceberg with a paddle and trying to navigate it through the waters. The undercurrent waters take you to a direction that you don’t want to go. You paddle hard to go against the current. But you go nowhere or as soon as you stop paddling you drift back to the old habits. If you only look at the hidden size of the iceberg you will realize why you fail.
I can suggest wonderful books on this subject. The best is The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem by Nathaniel Brandon, from which I quoted above. These six pillars are:
- The Practice of Living Consciously
- The Practice of Self-Acceptance
- The Practice of Self-Responsibility
- The Practice of Self-Assertiveness
- The Practice of Living Purposefully
- The Practice of Personal Integrity
I recommend this book. However, you need more than conscious understanding of the problem when you are dealing with something that has its roots in the subconscious mind. You have to change the programming of your subconscious mind.
The difficulty is in the fact that our adult brain is critical. If you tell yourself that you are a loveable person, your critical mind will run this information against the programming in your subconscious mind and if it is not resonating with it, will reject it.
The programming in your subconscious mind can be, and often is, false. But your subconscious mind is not concerned about truth and falsehood. It can’t distinguish between the two. It deals with emotions. Its job is self-preservation, i.e., the preservation of your image and identity. If you tell yourself that you are a good person, your subconscious mind will reject it because it is not compatible with the worthless image that it has of you. The subconscious mind can’t distinguish between good and bad. It works like a computer. If it is programmed to accept a certain value, it will reject all other values as false.
The only way to change your life is to change the programming in your subconscious mind. When you were a child you did not have a rational mind to filter the information that you received. Now, you have to silence your rational mind completely if you want to re-write the programming in your subconscious mind. This can be done by bringing the brain frequency from Beta to Alpha and even to Theta levels. Then the critical mind will be inactive and without its interference you can delete the negative programming in your subconscious mind and write new ones.
To understand this, think of animals. Dogs don’t not have a rational mind. They can’t know the difference between good and bad. They are highly motivated by emotions. That is the state of our subconscious mind. You don’t reason with your subconscious mind. You motivate it through emotions and feelings.
This is very simple. How long does it take? It can take as little as half an hour. But for a lasting effect you need to repeat it daily for at least 30 days to start feeling the result and you should continue so you don’t drift back to the old way of thinking. This is the fastest way I know for radical and lasing transformation. It is far more effective than any therapy and it is now practiced by a growing number of psychotherapists.
If the programming in my subconscious mind tells me I am a failure. I can tell myself I am a success, but I won’t believe it. It all sounds hollow to me and the history of my past failures prove I am right. Because I have accepted the lies that I am not good, as truth, now my subconscious mind will reject anything that goes against that lie. The Jesuits understood this very well. Their maxim was “Give me a child for his first seven years and I’ll give you the man.” This also explains why we cling so tenaciously to the religion of our childhood, even though we know nothing about it. I can’t tell you how many times I have received emails from Muslims who tell me they are not scholars and they are not even good Muslims, but they insult me and act most obnoxiously. They are threatened when I criticize their religion because they identify themselves with it. Truth and falsehood are irrelevant for the subconscious mind. Our beliefs about our self is our identity. We want to cling to them as if our life depends on them.
The good news is that we can change our childhood programming. To do that we have to access our subconscious mind without the interference of our conscious mind. We can do that through meditation and/or self-hypnosis. Go to Youtube and search under self-hypnosis. You will find many recordings that will help you relax and lower your Beta brain activity. After you reach the Alpha state of mind, you can reprogram your belief about yourself with positive affirmations.
Here is a good one http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NMldMnEfxX8
But try others audios too. Most of them are good.
Miraculous transformations can happen almost overnight. You can get rid of any addiction, any self-debilitating behavior and belief about yourself, gain more self-confidence, overcome your fears and anxieties, get rid of your bad habits, eliminate your shyness, meet the love of your life, improve your relationship, overcome your anger, and be a more happy and successful person. Self-hypnosis, meditation and visualization are the fastest ways to self transformation. They are far more effective than any psychotherapy and they cost nothing.
Don’t let your low self-esteem rob your life. You have tremendous powers hidden within you. Feel the love within you and give it to others. As you give love, you receive it. You don’t have to be anyone else. You are unique and no one can be you. The more you accept and love yourself, the more you can accept and love others. Forgive others and forgive yourself. Let go of blame. Fill yourself with love. Love everyone and everything and love yourself. There is no difference between you and anyone else. The distinction is an illusion. We are all made of the same electron and the same information/spirit. No one is superior and no one is inferior.
Access your subconscious mind and reprogram yourself the way you want yourself to be through meditation and self-hypnosis. Hypnotherapy can create unconscious change in you in your thoughts, attitudes, behaviors and your feelings. We have the “technology” to redesign ourselves. Why live with limitations when you can reach the moon?