I left Islam. How can I Tell my Husband
I am a former Muslim convert married to a Muslim man. He has no idea I do not believe in Islam any more. And I have no idea how to tell him… He is so happy and excited about his religion… Every little staff proved by modern science that had been mentioned in Islam, is a miracle for him. Do you imagine?
Yesterday he read an article that some parasites of pubic hairs are nearly extinct thanks to depilation. Then he made me a lecture, that in Islam it is obligatory to get rid off female pubic hairs bcs they have their periods and it is dirty and very dangerous for health, and favours the parasites and now the science proved it… Then he kept on saying “la illaha il la laa” and “allahu akbar” I am really sick of it, it is so stupid. Allahu akbar for depilation of pubic hairs.
I am sure he is a good guy deep-down, but he has few really disgusting habits. As I started to read the Quran really carefully and critically, I see where they come from. If I do not agree with him, he accuses me that I am stupid, or unbeliever, or that it is impossible to explain me anything bcs I will not understand… I hate it. What is more, in 3/4 of cases it showed out that I was right and he never apologized.
I left Islam, after I decided to break my husband’s conviction and I read criticism of Islam in secret. I found Sina’s site and I was shocked. Every unanswered question I had about Islam was answered on this site. I verified ahadith and quranic verses published, they were real. I could not believe how I let fool myself.
But I really do not know what to do about my husband. I love him; I would like him to wake up. If I question anything about Islam, he gets furious and tells me: you do not believe in god? You do not believe in his prophet? Why that stupid question? Also, he will never read your site, I am sure. If I point out some issue (cutting off right hand and left foot by terrorists in Mali is according to Islam), he tells they are Khawarij and stops the discussion. He does not read the Quran as I do (from the start to the beginning), in fact most of verses he has never read. I read it often in front of him so that he should join me and see it’s stupid. Sometimes he read one verse, then he is blubbering “la illaha illa laa”. He stokes me (?) because he likes me reading Quran and turns on his TV.
Please help me. I am scared to tell him directly, because the day I converted, he told me that there is no way back. That it is forever and I can never change my mind ever. I feel I have to make him believe it is his idea.. his doubts… his questions… What should I do?
PS: Please do not use my name from my email address. It is a nickname, but I am writing articles against islam on one blog in that name. I do not want them to be connected. Sign it “Lucy”.
You did not say whether you have children with this man or not. That changes everything. Also you did not say whether you live in his Islamic country or in your country. That too affects your options.
If you live in a non-Muslim country and have no children, you are in the position of power. You can tell him you have a serious matter to discuss with him and set a time when both of you are free and the TV is not on. Then tell him the truth. Tell him you have read the Quran and the articles on alisina.org and have come to the conclusion that Islam is a lie. You don’t have to tell him that you don’t believe in God because the belief in God has nothing to do with Islam. In fact one cannot believe in God and be a Muslim at the same time. The god Muslims worship is the incarnation of everything is said about Devil. He is not the God worshipped by other religions – the God of love, the God of mercy, the God of reason, the of forgiveness and of compassion. The Quran claims its god is merciful and compassionate. But when we read that book and examine the actions of Muhammad, we can see that claim is false.
Every criminal has a high opinion of himself. Most criminals, if not all of them, are narcissist. A narcissist truly believes he is the best of humanity even if his actions are despicable. He projects his own vices on others while idealizes his own attributes. Muhammad was a narcissist and by extension all his followers are also narcissist. They hold the same narcissistic view of their prophet that he held of himself, and incidentally, they hold the same narcissistic views about themselves too. They believe that Muhammad was the best of creation and that they are the best of people. Nothing can be farther from the truth. Muhammad was the worst man ever walked on Earth and Muslims (the true ones – the ones who follow Muhammad to the letter) are the vilest and the most despicable people. No they are not Khawariji (Gone out of the faith). They are the true Muslims who put into practice the Quran to the letter. Even the original Khawarijs had not gone out of the faith. They wanted to practice the real Islam.
Al Capone, the legendary Chicago mobster and ruthless murderer, in his trial said, beneath this coat beats a heart full of compassion and love. While serving his jail sentence in Alcatraz, he composed a love song, which according to Rich Larson, one of his present day fans, who helped line up musicians and singers to record it, “is a beautiful song, a tearjerker.” The gangster who orchestrated the 1929 St. Valentine’s Day Massacre, in which his henchmen pulled machine guns from violin cases and butchered seven people, incidentally, was also a religious man. The song might be about the Virgin Mary, or perhaps his wife whom he remained loyal to until his death.
There is a saying in English: “Actions speak louder than words.” Muhammad was a mass murderer, a rapist, a pedophile, an assassin, a slave maker and trader, a ruthless thug. If Al Capone massacred seven mobsters in one day, Muhammad massacred 700 to 900 innocent Jews in one day and he sold their wives and children as slaves. But he claimed to be the mercy of God to mankind, the best of the creation and the perfect example to follow. Muslims must be ashamed for following such an evil monster. But they are not. They don’t want to think or hear any bad thing about their prophet. They prefer to hide their heads in the sand (or maybe somewhere more handy) than listen to what could awaken them. To say Muslims are stupid is a compliment to them. Islam is beyond stupidity. It is beyond inanity. This cult is Devil worship. Only by understanding this inconvenient truth can we understand the evil that is in the heart of Muslims and why they behave in such a despicable way.
Now, let me answer your question.You say you are afraid of your husband and also say you love him. I don’t understand this. Love and fear are two different things. You can’t love a person whom you fear and vice-verso. If you fear this man, you don’t love him. You fear that he may leave you and you don’t know what to do. Your relationship with him is co-dependency, not love. There is no fear in love.
If you live in a non-Muslim country and you have no children with this man, arrange a meeting with him and set a time when both of you are free. Unhook the phone and the TV. Then tell him you love him as a man, but there is a problem that is important to you and you can’t ignore it. Tell him you have no problem believing in God. However, you have a problem with Allah and Muhammad. Now, he has two options. He can study Islam with you, answer your questions and convince you that it is a true religion, or you want out of the marriage. Tell him shouting, threatening, intimidating, shaming, insulting, bullying and other uncivilized inane behaviors that is the hallmark of Muslims will not work with you. If Islam cannot be proven logically it is not a religion of God and you don’t want to waste your time following a lie and raise your children in a lie. But if it is a logical religion then he should have no problem discussing it with you and showing its truth.
The numerous claims that Islam is scientific are all bogus claims and self-deceptions. Not a single one of those claims are true. We have debunked every one of them, or at least most of them, because there is not a day that some Muslim somewhere does not claim he has found something in the Quran that science discovered later. Muslims are desperate to fool themselves. None of them asks why despite all the sciences in the Quran only the kafirs who don’t give a damn about that book and don’t read it make all the discoveries and win all the Nobel prizes and Muslims don’t.
This sounds logical but be prepared for his tantrum. Muslims are not used to logical arguments. Islam has advanced through threats, intimidation and bullying. So he may naturally resort to the good old Islamic tactics. For that you have to be prepared. It means you have to be ready to walk out of the house and have a place to go. Your luggage should be ready and a car should be standing by.
I understand that you love this man and he might be a wonderful person. If he loves you the same way that you love him he will come after you and will agree to follow your suggestion. After all it is his duty to show you the truth of Islam and remove your doubts. He just does not know how. He knows how to trick you and how to lie about his religion. He has used that tactic already on you when he convinced you that Islam is a true religion. But now you are wiser and he can’t play that game again. The only other option left for him is to bully you. But if you show him that you are ready to move out of his life, he will have no other choice but to agree to study Islam with you.
If he agrees to that, you have won half of the battle or even more. Then I suggest you get hold of a copy of my book and study it with him and ask him to prove I am wrong. He can get help from any imam and I would be happy to debate with any scholar he convinces to debate with me and both of you just read the debate. I want to make it easy for him so he does not need to even read my book.
Now, what if he does not agree to study Islam with you or refuses to find an imam to debate with me and remains adamant that you either submit to him or go your way. Well, why would you need such a man as your husband and father of your children? A man who is so dumb does not deserve to be either. Walk out of that marriage and start again. If he is a true Muslim he will do what true Muslims do and that includes being abusive to his wife and children and to cheat on you. A Muslim man does not have the same sense of undivided loyalty to his wife that non-Muslims are required to have. Islam allows and even encourages polygamy. He does not feel any remorse or pang of conscience for cheating on you. He considers it to be his right.
I was in UK last week and my brother in law who is a psychiatrist was telling me that one of his patients is a very high class, educated and wealthy Arab lady. She complained to him that although she loves her husband and he is a great man, he cheats on her and this is something that disturbs her. But when my brother in law asked the man about it, he said, but Doctor, this is normal for us Arabs. I am an Arab and she is an Arab. She knows this is our culture. If she wanted a husband completely devout to her she should not have married an Arab.
Of course by Arab he meant Muslim. There are other Arabs who are not Muslim and they are not notorious for being disloyal. A Muslim man does not even think he is cheating. He is following the footsteps of his prophet and it’s all good and dandy.
My advice to all women is to stay away from Muslim men, unless you are a masochist and enjoy being abused and mistreated. Also non-Muslim men should stay away from Muslim women. Just leave Muslims to themselves. There is something in their thinking and upbringing that will cause you unnecessary hardship. Unless they leave Islam, sincerely, keep your distance from them. Don’t befriend them, don’t date them and don’t fall in love with them. Muslims are damaged goods.
They can lie to you and say they are not practicing Muslims and that they are not religious people. Don’t fall into that trap. They all say that at the beginning. This is part of their taqiyyah game. Don’t believe in them unless they say they spit at Muhammad and call him a pig. I am sorry to say this but Muslims lie very convincingly and you have to go the extra mile to find out whether they have really left Islam or just are doing their taqiyyah.
I am not saying you should shun Muslims. One of the biggest influences in my awakening was a couple of elderly Italians who adopted me like their son and showed me kindness and love when I was a young man in Italy. They shattered my prejudices against the westerners. A lot of Muslims can see your kindness and can be affected by it, but a lot of them are so damaged that they take everything from you and then stab you in the back – literally. There is an account of one such case in my book Understanding Muhammad and Muslims. My point is that you should not be too close to them. Be kind to them, but always keep your distance. Don’t put yourself in a situation that you could be dependent on them. If they are good Muslims they may take advantage of your vulnerability and hurt you when you least expect. Many years ago, before the 9/11, a pregnant Jewish woman was stopped at the airport in Israel> Explosives were found in her suitcase. They were was set to go off in midair. The explosives were placed in her luggage by her Palestinian boyfriend, the father of her unborn child. You can never know to what debt of depravity Muslims are capable of descending. When a person gives up his rational mind to a psychopath and takes a criminal as his prophet, there is no end to his wickedness. No human can descend as low as a cultist. No cult is more evil than Islam. No human can be more wicked as a true Muslim. The more they follow their pedophile prophet, the more evil they become.
Now, what if you don’t have children, but live in an Islamic country? In that case I suggest you get out of that country ASAP and then write to him what I told you. You can study Islam together through email. That is even better, because he won’t be able to bully you.
If you have children with him, things are different. Then you are responsible for the wellbeing of your children. In that case I suggest you keep your secret to yourself and just bear with him. Make sure he does not contaminate the minds of your children. Expose them to the truth and when they are mature enough ask them to read my articles or even better, my book. Time plays wonders. Did you know that as we age, women start producing more testosterone while men stop producing it? What this means is that women become more assertive and domineering and yes some actually grow beard (some facial hair). On the other hand men become more docile. This happens after the age of fifty to both genders. So be patient. Gradually you will become the boss in your household and that would be the payback time. Nature has its own funny ways. My advice to all men is, be kind to your wife while you are still the macho. Time turns the table and when you become the underdog you will be at her mercy. Ouch!