Dealing with Rejection

Hi Ali,
I wanted to share a story with you and I really need your help. I’m confused and feeling hurt about what happened.

Last night, I went into a chat room where I started talking to an Israeli girl living in Israel. We had never met before. Everything was going so well, we were laughing, joking, sharing music, and then suddenly she asked me for my facebook name. I told her that my facebook name was based on Rawandi who was a critic of Islam. And that I had left Islam several years ago. Long story short, she bans me from her room within a few seconds of reading my comment about me leaving Islam. She gave me no explanation. So I go back to her room under a guest name to get an explanation. I ask her to please give me an explanation and at first she types, “You know why.” I said I didn’t know why. I asked her to talk to me. So she kicks everyone out of her chat room and says, “So?” I ask her why she banned me from her room and she says, “Because you’ve been there.” I ask in reply, “Because I’ve been to Islam?” and she said yes.

Ali, I feel hurt by this. She left after she said yes.

I asked her if she was Muslim and she said no. I don’t know if she was Jewish.

Ali, I’m a supporter of Israel, I don’t feel that Jews get proper treatment there and deserve better especially after they were forced out of Europe during WWII. What did I do wrong? Why was I banned?

Thanks,
TJ

 

Hi TJ.

First of all you have to learn that your self-esteem and your feeling good don’t depend on others. Others can have their own psychological problem. If you base your self esteem on how people react to you,  you will be in a very precarious situation.

Now, I did not understand whether this girl kicked you out of her room because your name was Islamic or because you had left Islam.

If the first then, she probably has heard all the evil things that Muslims do, like Love Jihad, etc, and wants to protect herself.  That is a wise thing but she is not aware that many of us have actually left this cult and have no enmity towards anyone.  We love all the people and we want to live in peace with everyone.   The more we speak out and make ourselves heard the more people will come to see that we exist and will not be frightened by our “Islamic name.”

If she kicked you out after hearing you left Islam, she is probably a brainwashed miserable creature who has fallen into the trap of Islam. Why do you want to have anything to do with such a lost soul?  A Muslim can cause you nothing but trouble. Muslim converts are more vicious and more stupid than those who were born to this cult.  At least we have the excuse that we had no choice. But the converts have no excuse. They must be either terribly stupid or pathologically evil to be attracted to a religion like Islam.

Now, I am not insulting anyone.  Virtually all those who converted to Islam and left it admit that this has been the biggest blunder in their life and that they had been fooled.

She could also be a leftist. Leftists love you if you malign all faiths but will attack you viciously if you criticize Islam.  I guess birds of a feather, fly together.  Leftism, like Islam is a sickness of mind.  I can’t understand these people.  A couple of years ago a leftist professor (Pete) wrote to me because he was offended by what I say about Islam. This man was an atheist – a real lefty. I engaged him in a debate. I wanted to find out what makes them act so irrationally. After a few cordial exchanges he asked for my book and promised to get back to me. He never did.

As a rule of thumb, ignore people who act in such a way.  Their behavior has nothing to do with you. It’s all about their own experiences and level of maturity. They have issues that have remained unresolved.  Mature people don’t act like that. Mature people will explain to you why they disagree with you and don’t act erratically. “You know why I did it.” What kind of answer is that? The only thing you can know is that she is nuts. Avoid stupid people. Avoid Muslims and liberals. You can’t reason with these people.  If you are looking for a mate look someone who is not a kook.  Ideologues are nuts.

You are hurt because you were rejected by a woman.  If you chase a woman who rejects you, you only make her despise you.  Never, and I mean NEVER try to win a woman’s heart by acting weak and desperate.   First of all you don’t want a moon bat liberal as your woman.  If a woman dumps you, at any stage of the relationship, whether it is in the Internet chat room, after the first date, after three years of dating or after fifteen years of marriage, just leave her.   Instead of showing any disappointment and begging her to give you another chance, remain calm and thank her for bringing the subject up. Tell her you were thinking about it for some times and did not know how to break it up to her and that you are relieved that she has come to the same conclusion on her own. Don’t be too theatric here.  Pretend you are sorry for the end of the relationship but it is something you had thought about and find inevitable.

This will suddenly change the balance of power. Women don’t like a weak man. They respect you more if they see you are in charge at all times.

Don’t become nice, and don’t try to win her back by buying her gifts, calling her in the middle of night, and text messaging her all the time.  These things will make her want to run away from you more.

Accept rejection like a man and move on. There is plenty of fish in the sea.  If this woman has been part of your life for a long time, go and have fun, put on your best cloths, start dating and make sure she sees you with another woman quite “accidentally,” even if that woman is just your cousin whom she does not know.  Nothing puts off a woman more than a desperate man. Even when you don’t have a date act as if you have. Pretend to be busy and let her imagine you are dating.

You should not have gone to her room with a different alias to find out why she does not want to talk to you.  Why should it matter what her reasons were.  Find someone who wants to talk to you.

Be loving and compromising to your woman when she is with you. Once she leaves you, leave her at once. Your lovey-dovey behavior will only put her off and ensure that she will not want to see you again. Don’t cheapen yourself for a woman.  That is not the way to their heart.

Women like strong men. As soon as they detect weakness they lose interest.  Never say or do anything to win a woman’s heart. She will interpret it as the sign of your desperation and will lose interest.

Never compliment a woman too early.  If you find her beautiful never say it. Find something about her to tease her instead.  Don’t be grotesque and rude, but be humorous. Remain cool and mysterious.

If she asks whether you find her beautiful, that is a good sign. It means she is interested in you. Don’t answer the question.  Don’t kill her curiosity because she will lose her interest in you.  You become a prey caught. She will leave you and will go after another prey. Say, something silly like, “well not exactly my type, but I think I can live with it.”  Make it sound fun and humorous.  If you say, oh you are the most beautiful woman I have met, you have lost her. Okay women are crazy, but that is how their brain works.  If you want one learn their psychology.

To make them interested in you don’t show too much interest in them. Instead, show interest is something you are passionate about.  This signals the woman that you are a man, with ambition and purpose – a knight in shining armor that can conquer the world.

Don’t show off your expensive car and don’t take her to expensive restaurants . They don’t work. Instead become passionate about something. It could be your work or a cause or anything you are good at. This will make you look a lot more attractive. It makes you enter in the league of great men.

Remember that relationships have two stages – courtship and commitment.  During the courtship, you must never show your feelings. She must always wonder whether you find her attractive or not.  Keep her guessing.  As long as this curiosity is not satisfied, the chances are that she will stick around and remain interested in you.  The moment you show your hand and express your undying love, she loses interest. She wants to conquer you. Once conquered she will go to her next prey.  Easy preys are not attractive to women.

After the courtship stage, comes the commitment stage.  At this stage you want to give her complete assurance that she is the only person in your life and the most beautiful women in the world.  Spoil her with gifts, take her out and treat her like she is special and unique.

If you do these things in the reverse order, i.e. act sweet and complying during the courtship and indifferent during the commitment stage, you will either not find the woman of your dream or you will lose her.

Take care and good luck

Ali Sina